Wednesday, August 26, 2009

One Way Ticket to Bored'Ville

The more I think about it, the more bored of the situation I tend to get. It is almost like a poisonous vine that is strangling me to brain-deadness. It is impossible to break out of this maddening sphere of boredom that has taken control over my life, my thoughts and my actions.

All I want to do right now is to find a mature solution to this problem. I want to understand the root cause of this phenomenon and uproot the bloody thing. But the problem seems to have gone deeper than the root, it's almost like the never-ending rabbit hole. Where do I stop analyzing and start the restoration process? I realized that I have been working at the same thing for a long time. I am analyzing accounts and running reports for too long. This continuous vicious cycle has led to mechanical symptoms in my brain and now it just refuses to act human-like. For everything I have a graph and for everything I calculate a return on Investment :O

I tried digging deeper! Am I bored of only my job? or am I bored in general? am i bored of the city? or am I bored of seeing myself like this? Playing farmville on facebook cheered me up a little, I grew some crops and got some cattle and livestock! It got me thinking as to how much bored I must be to be growing virtual rice and wheat and petting and milking cows that say Moo every 5 seconds.

I realized there is a saturation point that comes in every relationship! I have reached mine: Enough of this city, this job and this sucky life! I am going back to a more happening life!! I am considering moving back to my own roots to solve the root problem of this disastrous stagnant feeling!

Wish me luck people! :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Sandwich We didn't Order!

The following post is meant for people who are sandwich children. You know,
you come third or fourth in line after all your cousins/sisters.
You are not the mature and beautiful first child of the great Indian joint family, you are not even the subtle yet intelligent second one, nor are you the adorable last one.
You are maybe the insignificant third one or the irritating attention seeking fourth one.Sighh! I understand your pain. But if you are still in your teens, let me remind you that the lesser you are cared for, the more chances there are of you evolving in to the sexy swan (not beautiful, your face may not change!).

Coming back to the story, the third or the fourth sibling is like the most
unnoticeable child in the family. Elders don't find you as cute as the youngest one,
they don't find you growing up and maturing into a lady as fast as the eldest one is.
They cant even compare you to the second one, cos they are busy comparing the second one with the first one. So there you are, stuck in between odd worlds, thinking to yourself what can I do to get in to the lime-light. You may try your hand at a few odd jobs here and there as well... Try topping your class, but the second one will top first, so by the time, you topped, it will become insignificant. You can try lying vigorously and profusely, but the cute-lying spree of the younger one catches attention of elders, and your lying spree would be tagged as a serious 'pree-teen' problem. You may try fake boyfriends, and guess what then the first one will get ENGAGED!

Does this ever stop, the vicious cycle!!!??!!

Turns out it does! It does have an end... you just have to wait for it. Wait for the ones before you to get married,
and suddenly, almost magically the spotlight shifts focus on you! Yes you my friend! Suddenly people are interested in your
personal life. Suddenly they wanna 'know more'. Since the ones ahead of you are getting married off, they have no one else
to talk about anymore... you are logically next in line, so you are standing right there, in their face!
But trust me, all these years of attention craving, and troubled teens will fade away, and soon you will start regretting the fact
that you are not the insignificant dot in the family picture any more. They will get on your case, they will hunt you down! Aunts and Uncles
of all generations will gather around you and start telling you the importance of marriage and make uncomfortable adult jokes around you which you
do not want to be a part of. But this is what you wanted right! to be a part of the 'circle'. But you realize the crappy mess inside the circle once you
are in the circle, and once you are in the circle, ITS too late!

And as you glance back at the first two... they will just smile and say: its your turn Sista!! Gotcha ;P

Love Thy Boyfriend: Not His Jeans!

As I flashbacked myself truly in an old Hindi Film mode to 1998, I saw myself on the couch carefully throwing away carefully peeled orange out the window while avoiding eye contact with my Mom. ( It's a trick I will teach you guys later).
Then, in a quick sharp pan (in the flashback itself) I study myself wearing my Fat brother's thrown away denim pants, and thank myself aloud for not been seen in those ever in my life (After 1998, that is!).

>>>>>Fast-forwarding myself into the current time-zone, I watch with open (not drooling) mouth as a colleague walked away with similar ill fitted jeans and a printed tee. I take one big step back from the time-machine and look straight at another friend who is trying to read my face for a long time. Finally succeeding, she says with a triumphant look, 'Boyfriend Jeans'.

After the long(ish)(Not Lunch) break full of bitching-gagging conversation on boyfriend jeans ended; I realized I had mixed feelings for this newly found trend which even a lot of Hollywooders are following closely, including Katie Holmes, who was recently spotted wearing what only seemed like one of Tom Cruise's thrown away pairs. To me, they look more like maternity clothes! I mean why would anyone in their right senses wear oversized denims? And actually step out the door looking like a camping tent. But then come to think of it, these denims have a multifaceted role in today’s hectic lifestyle. I mean, who has the time to pick up a broom and sweep the floor? Eh! Just wear your boyfriend/grandfather denims and prance around the floor for a while. It works like magic! The Magic Jeans’ floor-grazing bottom-hem takes care of all the dust and dirt while you walk. You can even sweep hidden dirt with it! Just stick a leg under the furniture and cobwebs are history!

Coming back to the discussion of the newly-found ‘boyfriend jeans-haters’ club:
I have decided to take a minute of silence to pray for those who have been trapped by the evil trend. ‘We pray for your peace, let this be a passing phase like all the fashion disasters of 1980s. Amen!’

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

................ Head over Heels in love with Myself!!

I stand with a shovel in my right hand:
Clearing from my sidewalk the snow unnecessary accumulated.
I pave my own way, I clear my own path.
I stride forward, never looking back.

Things are not always sane for me, I believe Insanity is like social drinking, you can't avoid it and you end up enjoying it. For a twenty something girl like me, living in a big city is an addiction. I can't live without the labels and nor can I survive without the street shoppings of GK or Janpath. I pay my own bills and earn my own pay checks; spend lavishly on my fabulous ‘single-woman' life in a big bad city. I work for a multinational, and stare out of the window in to the dusty landscape in my spare time. The days when the sun shines on my desk are the days that forecast a good beginning. In the midst of the chaos aka work pressure; I manage to find time to update both my blogs; and when people ask me the secret recipe for time management: I give them my special super-multitasker acknowledgement smile.

I am a dreamer! Like everyone else around me, I dream of a cabin while sitting in my cube, I dream of a BMW while sitting in the auto rickshaw, I dream of the rains when the sun pierces through my shades, and I dream of a home when I eat alone at night. Reading anything and everything under the sun is included in my list of 'likes'. I am also the ‘Royal cribber’ and ‘instant mood-uplifter’ Point of contact for those I call friends. Listing out my dislikes will cause my Word Document to crash, but top of the list will be waking up early on a weekend.

I grew up in a comparatively smaller city, the City of Joy as we fondly call it. I fondly call it the city of ‘Chai-Pakoras and Foot-ball in the rain’. I moved to bigger rapidly on-the-move city, where people know you by your cars and the clothes you wear. The city we call ‘Dilwalo ki Dilli’. I graduated first class in what seemed like International Politics and International Relations from St.Xavier’s College: A course that I hated while studying it and miss it to the core now that it’s waved goodbye. Working is a necessity for me, I work so that I can spend, and I work so that I don’t have to depend. I have been ever-fascinated with working women, and now I get to live my own fascination (with first hand experiences of it’s not so fascinating parts). I live life on my own terms, as clichéd as it may sound, but there is nothing more true to my character which describes me more than this one phrase. I know that the seemingly innocent phrase gives way to arrogance and spells out the word Opportunist. I am pretending to be optimistic here, and hope to not cross over the very thin line.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dreams Of Change!! Ichhadhari Pumpkin.....

Okay! I am sure you are startled by the weird title, and you think, what could possibly be more weird. The Mother of all weird dreams haunted me late last nite. I hope it wasn't early morning!! (fingers crossed).

Coming back to the dream, I was slowly walking past a dark alley ( I should ideally be running in full speed past a dark alley! but apparently I was strolling around), when suddenly I realize that I am not wearing any shoes. I am surprised at the fact that I am walking around aimlessly in a dark alley with no shoes on, and then I turn around slowly thinking that I should head back home. Suddenly, I hear a squeaky sound (quite Squeakily familiar) which calls out my name... I turn around and there is no one!! I almost have a mini-heart attack, but then out of curiosity I find myself calling out like the first victim of a horror film 'Who is it?'. The squeaky voice answers ' It's me Mrinalika, down here.. arrey idhar dekh na'. I look down and there is a bright Orange Pumpkin lying in the dark alley. The eyes are cut out almost like the Halloween pumpkin lamp-thingy and it talks. Not only does it talk it claims to be a friend. At this time you guys must be pretty freaked... I admit so was I. If this wasn't a dream, I would pee my pants... Anyhoo, I look down at the pumpkin and try to reason with it that it can't be Mrinalika, and that its absolutely not possible that I am standing there talking to a bloody pumpkin. And then, the pumpkin AKA Mrinalika looks up at me and says: 'Upasana believe me, its me Mrinalika. I am soo sad, I look so orange, and my head is looking so fat, Can you pls give me a pair of earrings?' ...

I was so taken aback by the Pumpkins demand that I found no other way to react but to open my own earring and prick them through the sides of the pumpkin head. Mrinalika seemed happy. And as she grew happier, the Halloween pumpkin style smile emerged. Now that did it for me!! I had had enough of this shit by then, I ran as fast as I could from that creepy place (Sorry Mrin for leaving you out there in that orange/talking pumpkin with earrings on).

Like all other women who think that they have some psychic abilities to interpret dreams and that there is a hidden meaning within dreams, I also thought the same.. till I Googled it. And then it hit me!! I am not going to explain more, I am just writing down what I found out there, and I have no explanation for it ( I think its utter crap, in my defense). But you guys take a call yourself.

Dream Interpretation:

Pumpkin: A pumpkin is a symbolic of the female sexuality. To see a pumpkin in your dream, implies openness and your receptiveness to new ideas and experiences.. In this regard, it may represent some situation in which time is running out.

A talking Pumpkin: It is a symbol of transformation, related to the popular fairy tale of Cinderella where a carriage turns back into a pumpkin. A great Transformation is on its way!!!!

------------------- Need I say More?? LOL :P

Mrinalika.. XOXO :D

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Birth of the Corporate Bitch!

Re-birth, Re-vamp... words are not enough to describe my sentiments towards this wonderful phenomenon that occurred in a relatively dull working place today.

A little glimpse of what we call miracle in plain English, got me to thinking

When I woke up this morning I had absolutely no idea about the blinding
storm of fierce fashion that was about to hit me! Me: Unsuspecting poor soul,
dragged my lazy ass to office on a mundane Thursday. Then, it all happened....

A Sudden phone call from a friend (Specimen Shukla) woke me up without my
morning coffee... In a rush of urgency her voice sounded almost muffled.
"Come to the stairs outside, Quick!" And I knew, something had happened.

As I went up to the stairs fearing a tragic event, or a huge gossip...
An almost perfect picture greeted my eyes.

......A lady and her new black shoes.

I once described her to be the Queen of Ugly shoes and ill-fitting clothes. When Ugly shoes saw her out of the shop of a window
they literally did the 'Someone's gonna buy me dance'
. But today she
looked up at me in mockery and those shoes just glowed in perfection.
She was sitting there with a crisp white shirt, denims (which did fit her well)
and so-out-of-her-league shoes. But they fit her so well, that I was stunned and
just stared. There was a weird silence of a few moments, but then it all came together. Let the rejoicing begin!!

Magically, Alice had turned in to the Corporate Bitch! Months of our persuasion
finally paid off, and this day a new high fashion:'Jalwa' (as we like to call it)
is born. By the sheer awesomeness of her ensemble she managed to blind each
eye, and even invited naughty intentions of the men around. The sound
of the heels caught the attention of all mere mortals around, as they
flocked together to admire the new office bitch collection outside the

The new line of Summer collections by Bhattacharya, or should we call her 'Madam X' going forward, raised a few eyebrows and stopped a few hearts.

But all in all, we have seen today that nothing is impossible....
As a wise man once said (Wise/spider watever): "With great Power comes Great Responsibility"....
and we all know what that means, we all look forward to more of cutting
edge fashion from the collections of the corporate bitch!

Until then, this is your friendly neighborhood Blogger signing off! :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

..... Because Family Comes First!!

I know, I know... "Its all about loving your parents". But once in a while when you look back at age seven or eight, dont tell me that you have never thought to yourself "Why did my mom dress me up like Hippe-meets-Snow White?" ... "Why did I wear those Knee length white socks with frills in the winter just to make mom happy?" Why Oh why!
The answer lies in your heart.... *Its all about loving your parents*.

I have suddenly realized that I have covered all sorts of random topics, starting from Ramayan to Fish theories, but I have never really written about the stuff that matter to me most... that make me what I am today! My family of course. My family is an interesting amalgamation of "Paranoia Meets Super-Chilled-I dont give a Damn-Ness". My family has guided me through tough times, and has taught me how to handle a situation.... But most importantly: they have taught *how NOT to behave in a situation*.

Meet the Parents:

My Dad, AKA Mr Chilled out: A nuclear explosion may occur in my backyard and my dad may be sleeping or reading the morning newspaper calmly.

For outsiders, my dad is the coolest parent anyone can have!! If I was a character from 'That Seventies Show' Drunk-Doped kids around me would go something like "Dude your Dad's a Rockstar" (AAHH every girl's dream!). My Dad has never told me not to stay out late, not to talk on the phone, not to go out, not to cross the street. He has never been bothered if I have been kidnapped or mugged or lost. According to my dad, if I get kidnapped, the criminals will parcel me back with a " I am sorry Note' and will pay my dad the ransom money!! Yeah! he is funny.. :D (He really cracks me up! :|)

Sometimes, I wonder what is it that will make my dad raise one eyebrow! He has happily beared my shopping expenses, he has happily signed my teacher's angry note and Only given me a sad look (Just a sad look) on seeing a bad report card. I knew I could never get in trouble with him. But you see, this too has a silver lining!! My biggest Puzzle was trying to figure out how far the line was. Where do I stop, and what do I have to do to get him really mad!! I am still in the process....

My Mom AKA The Mother of all Daily Soap Queens. Tulsi, Parvathy stand apart... here comes my Mom. My Mom kind of compensates for my Dad's reluctant coolness. She hyper-ventilates, she is the definition of Paranoia.

Till date!! (and I am twenty-three years old).... If i dont pick up her call-- She interprets :
A. I am unconscious.
B. I am Dead.
C. I am tied up in a corner crying and robbers are looting my place.
D. I have fallen down the stairs.
E. I don't have stairs at my apartment, so I am back to being unconscious.

I call her up once I get up in the morning to let her know that I slept well, I have to call her at nite to tell her I am going to bed. I have to call her during the day to assure her that I am alive!

FlashBack: Age 14: When I sent my driver back from school telling him that I will come back on my own and that I was hanging out with friends, my Mom thought my driver was lying and that he had formulated an elaborate plan to kidnap me!!! When I come back home, I would realize that she has marched up to my school to raid the classrooms.

FlashBack, Age 8: Once she read in the newspapers that some kid had been to the loo in school and got locked up inside and had fainted or died. Since then, my mom reminded me every day before sending me to school that I was forbidden to lock the doors of the loo while I went to Pee. I was apparently not allowed to lock the bathroom door while doing my job :P

I find it quite disgraceful, but till date I lie to my Mum about what I had for dinner. If I tell her that I had a sandwich or noodles for dinner, she may catch a flight to Delhi and start cooking dinner for me! So, to avoid the relentless drama, I make up my imaginary dinner to satisfy her, and while I am at it.. I cook up a three course imaginary meal. :D

So, you see... this is the reason that I have turned out to be such a mature and balanced individual in life. Stuck between the Extremist Mom and Non-violence Dad I had to follow my own path, somewhere between the two poles, and I turned out great!!
.... Love you Mom and Dad for always believing in me and making me what I am today!!! You guys Rock!! :D

Monday, May 4, 2009

And I'm Back!!

I know you guys missed me!! ( I like to pamper myself sometimes). However, I have a decent explanation for what kept me away from my first Love AKA 'Bitching on Blog' for sooo long. Reason no.1 : I went for a vacation-- YAY! Thailand :D
Reason no.2 : I had shit loads of work after I came back and I felt like I had hit rock bottom with layers of work on top of me just piling up. Reason no.3 : I caught up with my second favorite pass-time... Oh Yeah! Sleeping. :P

But then now that I am back, there are a few things that I need to bitch about, I few things I need to say out loud and a few things which I absolutely need to get outta my system. So, here it goes....

For all the summer vacation enthusiasts, Thailand is the cheapest destination you can go to and shop till you drop. But make sure before you go there, you need to carry a English to Thai Dictionary. The simple reason being, people over there remind me of Dumb and Dumber. For a country which survives on Tourism, they know zilch of English. If you ask them for a toothbrush, they get you a pillow. If you ask them where a cigarette shop is they will nod at you smile and drive away. When you scream your head off while playing Dumb-Charades they walk away with their pride. And Oh! I almost forgot, they absolutely love the word 'ONE MOMENT PLEASE'. That is about the only English that they will ever learn. Now that I am back, I can win at any game of Dumb Charades.

For all my shopping fans! I am back, and I am back with a bang. Yes! I shopped and it felt soooooo good. I was in cloud 9 as I wheeled my cute little shopping cart from one end of the retail heaven to the other, almost flying and gliding through the tons of uber awesome clothes! And then there was Duty-free!!!!!!!!!!! Shopaholics Heaven!!

The good thing about taking a vacation is that you feel like you have worked (errr) sorry.. Slogged for so long that you deserve a break and then you start counting days and ticking off days in your calender! And one fine morning you wake up with butterflies in your stomach and realize that the day has come. The bad thing about vacations is that it comes to an end too soon. I wish time flew like this when I am at work slogging my ass off.

Anyhoo, now that I am back as the lean-mean working machine, I will have more time to write/bitch. And yeah! keep waiting for my recent haircut AKA disaster story..... COMING SOON to a blog near you.

Ciao :P

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Masterpiece...!

This is an article written by a friend of mine, I am taking the liberty to post it in my blog. As always, he is too lazy to put it up anywhere.. so here it goes!

Politically Correct! DICTIONARY

The most obvious current affair, that stirred my Grey cells to start
churning on this topic was the Billu barber AKA the Billu hair-dresser
controversy. The fact that the politically correct Salon and Beauty
Parlors’ Association in Maharashtra noted that the term 'Barber' is
equivalent to a low-caste-shit-head-hair-cutting guy came to me as an
unnatural shock. From where they derive these derogatory meanings to almost
every humanly-possible known term is still a mystery to me. It seems
nowadays you cannot call a "Spade a Spade." I very well know that my
efforts to solve this mystery would be futile.

So I thought I should employ my demented mind in some other creative
activity. Hence I have started working on a dictionary, aka, a politically
correct dictionary. This dictionary will only have conversions. ( No, plz
dont misunderstand, it has nothing do with maths. I not only stay far from
maths I have almost divorced it). Conversions mean there will be words
which are human and earthly but are politically incorrect as in barber, I
have converted them into politically correct terms so that our "sensitive
and politically correct population" don't feel humiliated any more.

So here it goes:- (These are just a few to begin with, corrections are not
at all welcome)

Barber –> Hairdresser
Tailor –>Fashion Designer
Grocer–>Food Retailer
Pickpocket–>Economic Offender
Snake Oil Salesman–> Research Proposal Writer
Bonded Slave—> PhD student
Incorrigible Gossip –> Blogger ( I love this!)
Mujra –> Item Number or 'Need of the script' or 'compulsive livelihood'
Indifference–>Spirit of [insert Indian city name]
Copying –> Internalizing
Piracy –> Inspiration
Bashing Girls at PUB –> Protecting Indian Culture
Fat –> Healthy (I had to write this! Didnt I?)
Terrorist –> Misguided Youth
Wife/Husband –> Partner
Sleeping Partner –> Financier
Casting Couch –> Talent Show
Leching –> Aggressively Appreciating
Criminal –> Politician
Bastard –> Son of unmarried parents
Scary looking woman –> Woman with high moral character
Ugly looking man –> Son of misfortune
Coded Slave –> Software Engineer
Choking –> Being South African (reference World Cup'99)
Moron –> Intellectually Challenged
Lazy –> Motivationally Challenged
Cynical –> Experienced
Prodigal Son –> Masters Student in USA with HIMP Visa
Rape Victims –> Sufferers of the Patriarchal Society
Spousal Abuse –> Sadomasochism (reference wikipedia)
Pakistan –> Front Line ally in the war on terror


The article is written in the purest of spirit. If still not convinced,
wait for my next article. "Kill the Author"

------------ FYI: Author-- Devdutta Guha Roy!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

5 Random Things About My Not so Random Friends.

So, Facebookers are going wild tagging random people in their top 25 things. Well, I thought I will have a little fun of my own, since I have already written about myself, its time for me to throw some light on the people around me. Please note: All characters mentioned in this post are real and all resemblance to every person living is purely intentional. Have Fun!!

Monosha AKA buddies across state boundaries:

1. Likes to shop for shoes and has a big Jimmy Choo Poster on her desk, I dont see the significance of shoes at work. (Considering she is in Hyd, where most women around are seen wearing hideous footwear.) However, I admire the fact that she stands out in the crowd.

2. Has bought a new pair of huge sunglasses which are bigger than her face.

3. Is so sweet to people that my gut wrenches in disgust, and sometimes I want to hold her and shake her and say... Woman!! Be Rude :P

4. Has one of coolest collection of shoes that I have seen in my life.

5. Has lost an incredible amount of weight in the past couple of months which makes me jealous to the core. And she is following Kareena Kapoor's Diet!! AHHHHHHH!!:P

Akanksha Shukla AKA Bitch Sister:

1. Shukla has a super rich AT&T Mama (Uncle) who gives her a new phone every quarter (Not bullshitting). Its like her Quarterly bonus. I so hate her!

2. She has more clothes than she can wear, and her wish is to have her own walk-in closet some day. (We all Wish)!!

3. She is the master of Assertive Submissiveness. She will get her things done, and no one will ever suspect that she made them do it!! It's fun: I wanna try it someday.

4. She can NEVER get anyone in to trouble. Even if she has evidence that screams bloody murder, she will sit on it and lay eggs.

5. She has a soft toy dog (weird looking) and calls it Maggie! The Dog has traveled to many places around the office, courtesy Sidhant AKA the Prankster @Work.

Khushboo Aulakh- the dreaded creature AKA Flatmate:

1. Khushboo has vanished from the blogging hemisphere.

2. She has a soap in the bathroom that freaks me out: It looks like a piece of shit gone bad!(no exaggerations here)!

3. She keeps another half of the piece-of-shit-looking soap in the freezer and claims it makes her skin glow.

4. She gifted me a bubble pen which glows in the dark. (well I made her buy it).

5. Khushboo buys everything that I buy withing the next one month. She is the shoppo-stalker. Now we both have all the same clothes!! well almost.. :P

Aruni Bhattacharya AKA Alice in Wonderland:

1. Aruni owns the collection of 'National Museum of Ugliness' Shoes. The only decent ones she wears are borrowed from Maryann!!

2. Aruni is the walking talking falling machine! She can fall down at any place, at any time and cause random accidents around the clock!

3. If you see her wearing something white in the morning, you can be assured it will have atleast one food stain on it by evening.

4. Aruni is Alice! She needs tuition to say No to people. She nods and says yes even if her mind screams NOOOOOO!!!

5. Aruni sways her head from side to side and flips her very small set of hair when she listens to her favorite music! And when she is happy she flaps her arms like a bird!!

Well, there you go! Don't make faces at the post after you guys read it! I mean no harm and you guys know it, just relax have fun and take a chill-pill ( I know that sounds so Eighth Grade!).

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Top Angle OverView!

Here are 20 Things that you guys did not know about me and things (I am sure) you do not want to know either. In any case you will be inflicted with this pain, so don't put so much effort in avoiding this post.

1. I am a shopaholic. An Ex/reformed shopaholic at this time, but I will get back to my usual self after a while.

2. I hate social gatherings where people serve finger food and pseudo snacks, and every one greets each other with page 3 type air kisses.

3. I love cheese, and I can mix it with any kind of food. (Once made Rajma with cheese, and still loved it).

4. I like blowing bubbles, and pens which glow in the dark and have rubber stamp heads.

5. I collect old flight boarding passes and movie tickets for no apparent reasons, but whenever I try to clear out my bag, I get zillions of them.

6. I want to go to Paris once before I turn 25.

7. I have traveled to almost all places in India, yes I am a travel freak, and I have been to the far corners of North-East as well.

8. I want to own a pair of nice Chanel and D&G Shades someday, preferably next year!:P

9. I have a tattoo of a tribal butterfly on my right ankle and I got it done as a birthday gift to myself.

10. I have a phobia of falling from the stairs, so I never run down the stairs even if I am in super hurry. (Yes! I fell down the stairs and slit my forehead when i was little).

11. I love amusement parks. I am afraid of most of the rides, but I just love to go there to see screaming people. I love watching Nervous screaming people on top of a scary-to-death freak-show ride.

12. I hate adventure sports, I am gutless!! Boating is fun! (with life jackets on):P

13. At one point of time I was addicted to Hajmola and used to have almost 10 in a day!!! (Phew! it dont know how I quit that):P

14. I like annoying people around me, it is just that I have more annoying people around me.

15. I like to say, "I told you so".

16. I dont want to donate my eyes, kidney, liver or any goddamn part of my body when I am dead. Yes, I know I can't take them all along with me, but at least I wont be a eye-less, kidney-less ghost.

17. I like telling my mom that I am more matured than what she was at my age: (although I was already born by the time my mom was my age).

18. I believe in feel-good factors and Karma. I strongly believe in Karma and I know for a fact that what goes around comes around.

19. I am the worst romantic. I plan lousy surprises and I have run out of gift ideas on Birthdays.

20. My favorite pass-time is blaming stuff on my boyfriend. Although, I know for a fact that I can't survive for even a day without his interference &cribbing, and without me goofing up something or the other. :D

Thank you for your patience! :D

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Cast Away!

How many of us get to know when we are cast away? How many times do we realize that we are no longer a part of some one else' lives. How many of us really care? I am sure we all do. Maybe the fear of the realization is what keeps us from coming to the dreaded conclusion. I write to express that stress, that dread and that confusion.

I am no longer a part of you all. I am no longer in your clan. I don't get you people, I don't enjoy sipping tea with you guys. I am no longer in your league. You guys are weird. You guys are pseudo-intellectuals. You talk about right and wrong, you make judgments, you forecast relationship disasters. I don't get you. You punish me! You have cast me away. We are not the dream team anymore!...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Want to write a Book?

Well, I was having this random conversation with a friend of mine about a book that I have been writing for over a year now! (ahemmm... I don't think I will come around to complete it ever). While we were at it, I realized that I was not pinging her anymore... she was bombarding me with never ending ideas and story lines, and by the time I could breathe, my entire plot had changed. What are friends for!!!??

So, what I particularly liked about the conversation was the vigor with which she described the successful ingredients of A BestSeller. Read on and smile:

1. MBA Degree: someone in the book would have done that
2. One Abroad Location: either studies or job placement
3. Lust, sexual gory details
4. Love At last: true love....bees and butterfly
5. Heartbreak: sob sob
6. Drugs, Drugs, and more Drugs: coke, hash, weed....put them all!
7. Marriage: unsuccessful with a few flings
8. Resurrection: enlightenment
9. Happy Ending
10. Final Twist in the Story
protagonist dies!

Well, this got me in to thinking! Do I really need to write a book? I could write a story that goes like this:

Once there was a woman who did her MBA and went to England for a nice job. She met a man over there and he was very handsome! They fell in love. They had steamy sex on every piece of furniture they owned and they got married. But soon after that she found out that he was cheating on her with his secretary and then came an ugly divorce with uglier alimony. She was crying day and nite and did not know what to do, she indulged in drinking and at last resorted to drugs. But One day, a holy saint came to her rescue and chanted some hymns to her. Finally with the help of one Ganga Snan, some Yoga and therapy, she was back in track. She found happiness again. But It wouldn't last forever. The drugs had done the damage. She was dying, and she knew it. Finally she died.

I hope you guys liked the story, come and take my autograph when this becomes a bestseller!! lol (:P) See you in the next episode of 'Kill the Author!' :D

Monday, February 9, 2009

A life... not so much!

I woke up next to a small dingy broken window! As my sight collided with the long(ish) crack on the glass, the throbbing pain inside returned again. How hard did I smash that thing? Thinking things over for a minute, I dragged myself out of the mat that I was lying/sleeping on. Torn and Rugged at the sides, the threads screaming for mercy, I took a quick look around in a desperate attempt of momentary surveillance! Phew! I was alone. But for How long was the question?!!

I kicked my coffee stained low table to the side and magazine cut outs fell all over the place, Like I care to pick them up! Slowly I made my way in to the kitchen and hunted for a clean pot to heat the water for coffee. I saw a small lump of clogged blood on the marble slab, and a thunder raced down by spine, and then I realized.. Oh! it was just the rat. The place smelled of grass and tobacco. The lingering smell got me thinking when will I start again! I looked down on the heap of garbage on which I fixed my gaze on the unopened envelopes of Bills and more Bills. I am tired of gambling, borrowing money and blowing it up on grass and weed. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was brown and uncombed for days, my mascara was rolling down my cheeks and I have never looked better.

What's life when there is no adventure I thought. Maybe I am in deep shit, and I am preparing myself for the endless misery that has been hurled in to me.. but I can not cut myself out of this. I need to smoke right now I thought! I hunted desperately around the messy cramped room to light a joint. My heart started racing and I couldnt breathe until I could find one. But where is it? It's like cutting my lungs out and wrenching my stomach with my own hands! How did I become so dependent? Or rather, when?

I quickly throw aside the empty cigarette packs, fell over the laundry kept on one side for weeks now, stepped over unwanted packs of packaged food. I was hungry for something else I guess. Finally, I found it... not the joint, but the syringe! I felt at home again. As I pushed it deeper and deeper down my vein, I felt the numbness sweep into me... I was going in to my happy place again. It turned in to a pitch dark hole very soon. I lifted my head once and finally felt my body succumb to the dark cold waves which swept me off into a bliss of omnipresence. I will arise again, like a Phoenix from the ashes of my own burns, i will burn my pain in to ashes and arise again to the universe less known to mankind. To live again... not to survive anymore!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Black Rose...

Somethings- too insignificant,
Somethings- so vague..
When I turn back time I see..
Moments of Grace fade.

Things I said to bring you back,
Things you said to keep me from going..
Things.. Do they matter anymore?
Things never stopped us from moving.

We moved like waves with wind,
We cried like the silent stars,
We glittered like them miles away...
We loved each other Miles Apart.

Distance so close in between,
Pricks me like a Thorn on a Rose,
Smells like the sweet taste of Blood
Looks just like a Blood stained Rose.

Stay in the depth of my eyes
The Lids I close to turn time around..
Now, even if we hold the Glass,
Sand will still flow unbound!

Is it you?

Its the first time you have written to me in the last five years. I dont know whether to be happy or sad at the content of your love letter. Is it full of love or is it full of your anger? In all these years you have never left me a note, not even a postaid/sticky pad. How the hell do I react to your long email written at 2:30 in the night? I don't know.

You tell me where I went wrong. Did I expect too much from you? Or have we really taken each other for granted. Maybe its time for us to open our eyes and see how much of a pillar we are for each other. I know I tend to put all my load on you. I know, if I am angry at the world I shout at you. Its the way I have been for the last five years. I am not a romantic, nor am I impulsive. I can't guarantee you that I will be the girl of your dreams! I may not be expressive when it comes to my love for you. But that is because I think you know how much you mean to me. Today, when I read your letter I asked myself, is this really you... This is not the man I knew for the last five years.

I am happy that you have opened your heart to me. For the first time I feel liberated, and its only because you expressed. Thank you for writing to me....

Friday, January 23, 2009

What Animal are you??

So, how many of us waste hours on Facebok applications? I guess most of us! Let me remind myself of the Facebook anthem and then I can go on with the real deal of this post.

*"Facebook is a crime,
When People have too much time,
Sending me requests
IQ and Brain Tests.
Its no F**king joke
I dont like to SuperPoke!
scrabulous, hotness... Update my status!
.....Im getting bored of Facebook
So don't invite me, throw a sheep or bite me.
I hate applications, there are far too many
And I don't use any!

So, I came across the application Which Animal am I? Seriously, you are a full grown Human being. Why! Why would you like to know which Animal are you. Im telling you which animal you are... You are bloody Homo Sapiens and behave like them please!

I understand the deal of people giving each other cute animal names like.. Hey Honeybee, or hey Bitch! But this is just too much for me. Normal day to day animal gossip in the office is still normal, for example.. 'Oh he is such a Dog, or she looks like a hippo in those too tight pair of Jeans..' Or for example people fondly christening each other to freak them out. For example my friendly neighborhood cubies: Neha and Divya! Well Divya thinks Neha looks like a Momma Kachhua (mother turtle)! Well, come to think of it, even I thought (with the jacket hood on) she did resemble a turtle!! (;P) but then coming back to the point, I am sure Neha did not appoint Divya to find out which animal she resembles!!!

Well, if you guys have any clue as to why sane minded human beings go to application *Which Animal Am I??* and anxiously wait to see the results, please contact me at my email Address. I am very interested in learning a few things here and there about these very interesting individuals!

Thank You.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Chandnichowk to Hell!!

When your friends give you advice on not to watch a movie! listen to them.. pls!
Well, I didn't and went ahead and watched ChandniChowk to China... and Oh My God! did I regret watching it or what...!

To give you some background, the last movie I watched was SlumDog Millionaire, so I was in a feel-good-movie-mood. And my poor unsuspecting soul was exposed to the tremendous torture of what we call a slash-brain-humor. I felt like jumping in to the screen, and slapping those Pseudo-Chinese men! Well, to start with... Akshay Kumar has a fake paunch, which miraculously disappears after some time when he starts doing Kung-Fu. Well, we shouldn't call it Kung-Fu.. we should call it Magic-Fu. Cos the things he that he is doing, is not possible even with Kung-Fu. I don't think I have seen even Jackie Chan or Superstar Rajni Sir (:P) do all those stuff (Pun very much intended ;P).

Deepika Padukone is playing twins (O-Mah-Gosh). One sista is Indian and One sista is Chinese (utter painfull Ram Shyam combination who get lost in Kumbh ka Mela, well the only difference is that they get separated at the great Wall of China). By this time, I was left speechless... I thought I would catch up some sleep, but the horrid sound effects didn't let me sleep either! Wat torture... :|

And then to add to my misery, a flying hat kills Mithun Chakraborthy and Akshay kumar gets Pissed on!!!!!!! WTF! I had it, I had to know how far Nikhil Advani can go with this non sense. But then he surprised me. I think he even out-surprised himself. Akshay kumar returns aheemm... Kung-Fu Kumar returns to avenge the murder of Mithoon AKA Dada. And he plays Moses!!! Oh Yes!! He plays Moses! So, the movie is targeted towards an audience which includes: Indians, Chinese and Jews. (Grrrr...)

Being the Kung-Fu Kumar AKA Moses, he uses his Magical Kung-Fu to separate the waves of the river around him.. the waves raise up and wash out the bad guys. Phew!! After this mindless torture, Meow Meow (Errr.. that is the name of Chinese Deepika Padukone!!) starts doing some Kung-Fu of her own Genre!!! While Poor Indian Deepika is deprived of all the fun and Kung-Fu-Frolic.

Well, by the end of the movie, my brains were screaming for mercy, and all I wanted to do was to go and kill myself by one of those chinese Flying hats!! :P

Anyone of you.. Please if you find that flying sharp hat thingy... Please email ASAP.. I have a hitlist in mind!! ;D

Monday, January 12, 2009

DreamWorld of an Ex-shopaholic...

So I admit! I am a freak.. I am a shopomaniac! The World SALE seems like Magic to me, its like saving money. When A banker hears investment, or savings they feel content and happy! When I hear the word investment and savings.. I hear the word *Broke* in my head! Its such a shame.. I have been working in one of the most famous companies in the world!! and not that they pay me in billions, but for a single person, I earn for a decent living. But then.. sadly in the last one and a half years I have saved Zilch! I have zero savings and I am the shopaholic of the century (Im sure there are more women like me out there... I hope there are!!).

It was on a very lazy Sunday afternoon when I realized that maybe.. just maybe I overspend at times. I mean... my holiday bonus of almost 20k gone.. whooosh!! My extra pay for the month (after the pretty nice salary hike!!) GONE again..!! So, I realize, if this continues I will be upto my neck in credit card bills in no time. But, the shopaholic reformation happened later that nite! As I lay in Bed, thinking how mad I went after looking at the SALE signs of Carlton London, La Senza, NEXT, and French Connection... I realized just what I had done. In the last three months I have shopped for nothing less than 45 K. Yes! people, call me mad, call me idiot and call me a psycho shopper! but thats all true! cos I am all of them. I have no self restraint, no self control, the mall is my Holy Ground and the sign of a Flat 50% discount is where I attain Nirvana....

SO, I have made up my mind! now I am reformed, I have changed my ways of expensive living.. and Oh-So-expensive-unplanned Shopping sprees and save money! I have decided that I won't shop till my birthday( well I have to shop on my birthday!! duh!). So till the 1st of September I am going to be an Ex-Shopaholic! :D and I just hope that I can stay on with this great burden of self reformation for that long!! Also, I realized, if I wash, iron and neatly arrange all my clothes (which by the way have spilled out of my cupboard and in to the next room) and arrange all my shoes properly, then I would be able to last for atleast six to seven months of variety and good clothes! There ares sooo many clothes that I haven't even put on once! I have to finish wearing all of them and I will start rearranging my clothes and shoes in the next weekend. YAY!

And as for the MasterPlan. I have decided to save up some amount of money every month going forward and tuck it away in a far away place, then when I have saved up enough money, I will go on a long desired vacation to Maldives. And then in another year, I can save up for a nice car, and I can take my parents for a nice vacation.. maybe the backwaters of Kerela!! It feels nice to be able to do all that (provided I stop the screaming voice inside my head which is screaming * Benetton Sale season is Coming up you fool * ....

But then, I have left those days behind me... I want to believe in myself now! and my new motto is.. I CAN AND I WILL... !! :D

Friday, January 9, 2009

New Year Resolutions!... Err what!?!

Well, lets not make it look like a childish concept. We all do it!.. some of us do it aloud and make it a public display of ideation, while some of us prefer to keep it behind closed doors. But the bottom line is that we all do it. Yes, New year's resolution is something which all of us have in mind, and I must confess I am one of those people who silently make up resolutions and never ever follow them through for more than the first week of January. So what I wanna do here is, I wanna know how many of you guys actually follow through your resolutions? Please inspire me!!

For example, I made up a resolution this year that I will not indulge myself into mindless shopping and save up some money for the Australia trip that I have in mind. Also, I made a resolution to lose some weight! (not that I am fat, but just to keep myself more healthy :P)

However, as I approach the second week of January I find myself to be quite cashless :P and I have not lost any weight (rather I think I have put some on :D). Oh Dear God, bless those souls out there who have the strength and capacity to religiously follow their resolutions. God bless their dedication and commitment!! :P

And Guys, I am still waiting for those success stories! please pass them along!! I might get motivated! :)

P.S. "But the Irony lies some where else. Next year I may decide that my new
year's resolution will be that I will not have any resolutions at all, but
then I will end up making some stupid resolutions thus breaking the
resolution of making no resolution at all.."

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'd rather be a boy!

"If I were a Boy
I think I could Understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man..

I'd listen to her
Cos I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cos he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed.

If I were a Boy
I think I could Understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man!"

If only I was granted one wish, I would be a boy for a day and see how it feels to do as you wish, and not be accountable to numerous amount of mistakes made. I want to be in those shoes that walk out of the door untouched and unaffected by accusations and reasoning. By the grace of Almighty, men have been blessed with a mind over a soul. I want to posses that mind that listens to no one but himself, I want to be rude, unpredictable and forgetful.

But then again, I think, why should I be a boy who is one among the many other insensitive creeps running around the place! I'd rather be a boy who listens, I'd rather be a boy who calls first after a fight, who forgives faster than he forgets, I'd rather be a boy who understands the true meaning of commitment and promise. I'd rather be a boy who treats women as equal decision makers and not someone they can fall back on when they fail. I wanna be a boy who doesn't live on whims and can learn to leave his selfish interests behind. I want to be a Boy who is capable of what we women call Compromise!

Monday, January 5, 2009

A post: From A Friend, For a Friend, and By A Friend!!

Okay! I admit the line is little Tacky!! But then I had to post an article written by a friend of mine... Why!?! simply cos I liked it and I wanted my friends to read it too. Again, just to remind you guys, I am posting this write up because the friend of mine, who btw works in a renowned Bank, doesn't get the time (I believe he is plain Lazy) to start a Blog! He writes and keeps it hidden (which I hate!!).. So this time, I decided to Flaunt my friend's Post instead!.... Good Work Debu. I hope, I have motivated you enough to start a Blog now! :D

" The Budget Mysteries..!!

We never celebrated Valentine’s Day growing up. But that doesn’t mean our
Februaries were fallow. Because we always had the Union Budget.
A little background. My father is a businessman and my mother is a Masters
in Comparative Literature from Jadavpur University. Thus watching the
budget was a family ritual- Dad would be taking down notes and Maa would be
engrossed in the proceedings while I counted the seconds as to when this
torture would end.

Coming back to the main point, I personally never understood the Budget
process or why the entire nation should go ga-ga over it. It always seemed
to me to be a kind of a socialistic hangover (like the Five Year Plans)
where the assumption was that national economy was guided more by
government policy (i.e. its system of tariffs) and less by the market. Of
course this opinion could be because of my naiveté in economics—I never
studied it—only smelt the tomes of Samuelson, Jones, and McKenzie as they
sat on the bookshelves near the TV.

Also each Budget to me sounded just like the one before. The reactions to
it were also unfailingly similar—-the ruling party would call it a “dream
budget”,” a budget for the common man” while the opposition would call it

The biggest mysteries however were the articles on which tariffs were
imposed or removed each year. Let’s see what’s cheaper this year! Pasta.
Now why would “pasta” need to be made cheaper?

Okay issue solved. I got it. We have an Italian as the de-facto ruler of
India. She must have made some phone calls.

Though I somewhat understand the lowering of duties, but what about the
articles that will cost more? Does their selection follow any logic?

For instance, why does “Henna powder” cost more this year? May be a
demented minded road side Romeo in the ministry thought…hmmm which goods
can be taxed more…let’s see let’s see………aha…Henna powder. But why? Was it
because he was dissatisfied with the Henna he was using and decided “screw
the industry”? Or was it…even I don’t know..!!

A few years ago, when the government levied a tariff on zari (the sparking
thing on the lining of a sari)—-was it because of an official’s disgust
with Shefali Zariwala’s inappropriate show in “Kaanta Laga”? Was it the
same reason why tariffs on hosiery also went up that year?

Or are the folks at the Finance Ministry more benign?—they just have a
million chits with names of products on them, throw them into a gigantic
hat and get Ram Singh, the official Parliamentary monkey to choose winners
(losers in this case).

I never asked Dad these questions. Maybe it’s time I did.

Best of Luck Maa and Dad. Many more happy budgets to you.

I am sure you are proud of your son’s understanding of economics."