Stuck in a whirlwind of calculations always. Simplicity went out for lunch and never came back. It's all about these unbelievably complicated calculations nowadays. Working isn't enough, you have to work smart, suck up, pay extra attention to detail and cover up for stuff. Loving isn't enough, you have to prove it, spell it out, shower it even and when things get nasty you have to pick the pieces. Calculating, anticipating always - what's your next move champ? what are you gonna do. So this woman you see everyday in office is the biggest hotshot around, has a family: two kids and married to a "hotshot", has one of the most important profiles in the company and all this by 35. Calculating.... well that means she's completed her education on time, got an awesome job on time, calculated her jumps and shifted profiles at the right time, had the time to fall in love and get married plus have her first child before 30. Well, sounds almost too good to be true. But, calculations you see - that's the only way you will have answers. What if I am calculating at the pace of X and people around me are at the pace of 3X? What if all I need is to understand the pace, and I'm too caught up with instincts to get it in time. Every time. In my head, its like this you see - I think I'm not overly ambitious, but in reality I am. In totality, I am someone who is always behind, always held behind and always two steps away 'cos maybe I am too distracted, or maybe there are too many people I care about looking for other things out of me. Or maybe I am just looking for a kick-start and calculations will follow. The problem is, I've always sucked at math and I don't see a way my instincts will ever take a back seat. I will always say what's on my mind first before thinking it through, I will always generalize things and I will always be distracted & detached. It's like a vicious cycle now, stuck in a whirlwind of calculations always, yet always acting on instinct.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Finally it rained. I was tired of my nexus predicting the Haze weather card every morning, and saying 35 mins to work. I'm loving it today, it actually rained. Not just some pitter patters bad excuse for a rain sorts, but 'full on' badass downpour. We were late to work (yay), driving slow and steady through the water and as I got out of the car (although it was right at the door sorts), still had a good excuse to get drenched a bit, trying to get my bags out of the back. Anyway, I'm happy, I obviously don't feel like working. I wanna head back home, make a hot cuppa and sit on the balcony with a book.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Which means I don't get to:
-write as much as I want to
-go shopping 'cos I really need more neon colored leggings.
-download the music of wasseypur (damn I should have done it sooner).
-go out drinking with PG (that sucks. I really need to bitch)
-watch movies till late night. I need to be up & ready to work by 9 in the morning. #khoonkeyasoon #whatTHEfuck
Bottom line? this week is going to suck more than the word suck itself. Rockbottom has hit a new low.
Imagine the bottom of a bottomless pit - that's how low it has hit.
Monday, July 9, 2012
I have a fridge full of mangoes. Slurp delicious amazingly awesome mangoes, calling out to me every day. I have chocolates & fudge ice-cream stacked up. Three frozen packs of chicken wings I was dying to cook last week, I even read up on innovative sauces to go with 'em. There is a watermelon that is waiting to get juiced with black salt and there is a pack of Afghani chicken that must be eaten today or it'll go bad. I have a brand new grill pan that's waiting to cook some tikkas.What's the point of saying all of this? Well, the point is I can't do shit. 'Cos I'm locked out of my kitchen in my own effing house. The only way I can access the kitchen is if I wear a body suit.
Now, I am trying to look for a body suit online, but Google is throwing up some kinky results, which are not an option. Anyway, coming back to the story..
It all started last week when I was cooking some nice chicken breasts in the kitchen. Batman's mom was visiting 'cos it was his B'day. I made some lunch and we all ate & slept off. After the nap I got up to make some juice & Batman's mom was making tea, when suddenly I saw this creature jump out from behind the stove and on to the floor right beside my foot. Needless to say, I almost passed out & screamed my lungs off while jumping on his mom at the same time. During my panic attack I didn't see where it went. All I wanted to do was go and hide in my room. Which I did. For the next 24 hours. It was a Rat. Yeah, a rat. That rat (and one more mate of his, a mouse it seems) have been hiding in under my gas for some time and eating chicken legs and shit. The horror.
Now the kitchen doors are permanently closed and all I do is stand out side and watch them eat stuff while sitting on the counter top. One night (last Thursday) I mustered up the courage to place some 'rat kill' on the kitchen counter and ran away. In the morning I found all bits and pieces of the rat kill gathered in one place. A MOCK Corner. It was almost like they were making fun of me. The super intelligent pair of rat-mouse have been ransacking the place ever since. We got glue traps as well, and guess what they did? Sat at the edge of the glue trap, looked at me (looking at him from outside the closed door) and picked up the biscuit from the edge carefully and went around it. MOCKING again!
This is serious shit. I've declared war. I am dying to eat daal-chawal cooked at home. I can't take chinese take-aways and pizzas anymore. I need my kitchen back. So listen up you fuckers, you sleep tight tonight - cos tomorrow
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Every time I would read an inspiring Life-List by a fellow blogger, I'd get super excited and almost start creating one of my own; but it never saw the light of day. I'd been meaning to do this for a while, and after at least 5 unsuccessful attempts I'm giving it my 1st genuine shot. Lately, I've been feeling the need to push myself a little more, and inspire myself every day to do something better.
Maybe it's a quarterlife crisis or something like the fear of turning 30 in a couple of years, getting married, settling down and all that blah. But the deal is that amid the bustle of everyday life some new crisis is generated letting me involuntarily forget all about me. ME has taken a backseat, and it's time to outgrow that - So, here goes my lifelist.