Monday, July 7, 2014

10 Things To Teach Your Grandchildren

The smell of sweet candy. Freshly made sweet-meat. Fairytales. Woolen caps and mittens. Partition Stories. Mangoes. Warm blankets and hot chocolate. Home-made cough medicines. Vintage jewelry boxes.Those are some of the things that remind me of my grandparents. I remember my grandmother making sweet and spicy pickles during winters, bottled up in jars and soaking in the sun, on the roof ... just waiting in cute little bottles to be ravaged by sneaky hungry children. Aah! those were the days.

And if you are anything like me, you are thinking.. I have no clue how to make those pickles anymore. Of course, 'Cos you were too busy stealing them and less busy learning how to make them. So, go figure  now.

The summary of course:

Not growing medicinal plants in your backyard. Check
No clue how to knit. Check.
No clue who your cousin's husband's aunt's sister is married to. Check
Pickles are meant to be stolen, not made. Check
Home-remedies = Google. Check
Never Fermenting things at home. (Eww). Check

Congratulations! you are now spiraling your way to become a terrible grandparent. 
< -insert -90s-themed-laughter-track- >

Granted that when we grow old, we wont be able to do any of the old people stuff like knitting a cap for our grandchild or make coconut laddus, or cook amazing food of our ancestors; and definitely won't know shit about housekeeping and growing stuff in our backyards (no Marijuana doesn't count) or making household cleaners out of scratch. But being the incredibly positive, life-affirming person that I am: I am going to remind myself that there are still tons of amazing things to teach our grand-kids when we are older (not wiser).

1. We may not know how to grow medicinal plants and make potions but.... but we can definitely teach 'em how to open beer bottles without openers. #daadimaakenuskhe

Gather around children, and... grab a spoon.

2. Table manners are over-rated! Proper hash-tagging and tagging manners will make or break their characters. The single most important threshold, the moment that defines whether they will be labeled as cool or wannabes, or bitches, or spammers or trolls. It's a matter of life and death and only you can teach 'em that!

I'm so tired of being stereotyped by bloggers

3. Hangover cure. Yes! the one that you have perfected over your late twenties. 'Cos they will remember us with a smile, and minimal headache!

A pinch of lime and a drop of phoenix's tear

4. Flicking an amazing < insert- excuse- here > Selfie. A truly great way to bond with those ducky-lipped grand-daughters!


5. And since their protection is paramount we will surely teach them how to set an incredibly difficult password.

The words poop and shit-head can only be cracked by 4th grade-hackers. 

6. Instead of telling them goose-bumpey stories of partition and how we came to India after the war, we'll tell them how we left India and migrated away to #FirstWorldCountries for more money, which we then converted to INR and became millionaires and hence afforded the house and Jacuzzi in which they play now! #Respect

Because. Patriotism.

7.We might not have vintage jewelry boxes and antique-finish earrings to pass on to them, but we can give them this piece of our heritage. That might be worth a fortune by then :P

The Joes are out of the picture. And by 'out of the picture,' I mean, 'out of this earth.

8. You will also share infinite wisdom with them. You'll tell 'em why Charlie Sheen was in fact not 'winning'!!

Is he winning yet?

9. You will also tell them to travel the world and live out of their suitcase for as long as they can. And, meet new people, drive across different forests and oceans and mountains, and never shy away from trying anything new. 

Stop freeloading. Go bar-tend in Hawaii

10. And finally....

It's taken for granted that invariably, without you even trying, they will catch on to one of your passions. Most grandchildren follow the passions and interests of their grand parents without even knowing where it came from. It's almost like a hidden bond; a watermark carefully planted inside them. You might be a rock and roll fan, without even having the slightest idea that your grandfather was a huge hippie back in the day. Or the fact that you turned out to be a great photographer, 'cos your grandfather wanted to be one. Or the finesse and passion you have for baking is something that's passed on to you from your grandmother or the fact that you enjoy reading poetry is because your grandma was part of a secret women's book club back in the 1930s. 

It's one big giant connection just waiting to be explored. This is something that has transcended generations, and trends, and pop culture and weed and internet and teenage mutant ninja turtles and technology and basically anything you can think of. Nothing dilutes that, and no one can take that away from you. It's yours to keep and yours to leave behind.