Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A blue flower

A blue flower he gave me once, to keep it safe, bright & warm.
Gentle & plain, infinite as love
It stays with me for times to come.
Withered... a petal or two I fix it with haste, secure it back up to it's former grace

This day it came with a scroll on thunder
It seems unreachable now, this destiny of ours
Why seemingly there on a spiral grey tower, within reach... it could be ours.
Together we climb, but alone I fall. Over and over until I stall.

This I tell him, we must preserve, save it now before it withers.
The blue is fading as I make this chase.
So I let it fall and shed a tear on his face.
It's time to part so we say goodbye but long to hold what can't be mine

A lucid dream, I take a breath and run towards my safest place
In my mind I see so clear
A blue flower, now on the spiral tower.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Unpacking a million times over...

Coherent love or not -

I've been trying to write this post for a while, but with each attempt I realized how hard it is to pen down these thoughts in a coherent manner. So finally, this attempt is gonna be somewhat of a collage of thoughts, random memories and unfinished sentences. It's important to express the love sometimes, even if it's not extremely coherent.

The treasures I dug out -

The love for this city has been growing. From a confused, aspiring 22 year old to a more calmer version of the wild child I used to be. I've loved this city to bits, every single day of my last 5 years.
From the very first day I knew I was meant to be here. New Delhi was my home. I never felt out of place, never felt like I didn't belong, and it was always comforting to come back to Delhi wherever I went. It's breathtaking this city really... it's beautiful, it's big & bold ... and green. From finding love, to making the best of friends, and finally understanding yourself....this city has been my confidante.

I'm packing my bags-

And now that it's time to say goodbye.. I don't know how. A big one on my life list might get crossed off and I knew this day would come. But so soon! Such little time I had, but it seems like I've been here forever. Every little memory etched into my mind. A house I turned into a home. Cooking for friends. Lone walks across citywalk, sitting on the pavement with coffee and smokes watching the strangers pass by with huge shopping bags. Chinese joints, Nizam's kathi rolls, late night movies and 2 am dhabas with egg maggi and chai.

The love of my life -

Leaving behind everything that shaped me into what I am today can never be easy. Leaving behind the person you love most, the people who stand strong with you through thick and thin, the comfort of the home you created sincerely one tiny detail at a time. It seems like a mammoth task right now. Should I pack my favorite blanket? I'm still pinning thoughts and struggling with the finer details. But one thing makes it easy.. knowing the fact that he is ready to follow me into this new journey. When I look back, he'll be right there with a suitcase and a smile. That's going to make this all better. Singapore has tough shoes to fill. This city is tough to beat, these people are are one of their kind. The love is unparalleled.

The mirror to my soul -

I don't where I'll be in the next ten years, and I don't really want to talk or think about it now, but I do know that wherever I am unpacking my suitcase...this city will always be my steamy love affair, my hot cuppa, my late night maggi and the mirror to my soul. I'm still looking for excuses to stay back, and unpacking a million times in my mind.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Madness wins

The unending complications of the human mind is a blessing in the guise of unnecessary evil. Or is it simply madness, and nothing else? It's hard to answer leading questions anyway, but to attempt something which is beyond my purview of basic understanding is not only impossible, but also foolish.

I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people. Well, technically I can't calculate the motion of heavenly bodies. Issac Newton can. And hence this quote of desperation comes from him. So imagine a mere mortal like me, (dragging my ass to a 9 - 5 job - who laughs at fart jokes and barely passed math in school), attempting to crack the code of this madness. The point I am trying to make is - nothing.

Don't get mad yet, there was no point. It was just an observation. I observed a lot of madness around me lately and attempted to crack the reality behind it (read: melodrama, self induced confusion, hula hoops of reality checks & going back to mind-numbing melodrama again). Not that I was just an innocent bystander. No sir. Last week, I've asked myself some pretty disturbingly dumb questions, lost sleep over it, wrote some nonsense posts which I thankfully didn't blog out loud and then questioned the moral integrity of people around me & people I loved most seemed nothing less than blood enemies.

Modern Family helped me get over a lot of it. I love that show, it's all about the madness in people - but the portrayal is so adorable that you end up feeling less fucked up about the madness inside and around you. Heck I wanna be adorably mad too. I wanna ransack someone's house to figure out if the bugger actually did return that T-shirt or not; Cam pulled it off and so can I.

So I am officially giving in to it. Madness I embrace you with open arms, let's be cute together!


P.S - official warning to the boy - I might start crying and laughing at the same time while sleep-eating. Keep it together.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Unfair choices

Choices are hard. Not that it was ever meant to be easy, but still there should be a benchmark to the extremities of choices no.. Like Vanilla vs. Chocolate ice cream is fine. I am even ok with picking sides sometimes maybe. But what is this horrible choice about health, love and work. It seems I can only chose one right now. The word of the day is unfair. Hard choices, come bring it on bitches! I'll choose the fuck out of you. But unfair choices?! come on, now that hurts.