Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I believe in miracles.

I generally don't like forwarded emails and the first thing I do is delete most of them without reading 'em. But, then exceptions prove the rule right!?! A random someone (well, not very random) sent me this email a week back - and while cleaning up my inbox today I accidentally stumbled upon it. By the end of this list I had a smile on my face, and sometimes it's really reassuring to believe in miracles.

- Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
- Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
- Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
- Pay off your credit cards every month.
- You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
- Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
- It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
- When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
- Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
- Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
- Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
- Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
- Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
- It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
- When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
- Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
- Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
- The most important sex organ is the brain.
- Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
- Forgive everyone everything.
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
- However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
- Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
- Believe in miracles.

..............Adding them on to the mental checklist!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Age is just a number!

So, I'm approaching a difficult number in a couple of days! (Don't freak out I'm still in my twenties though). Age is just a number I keep on reminding myself. Also made a resolution (nosolution) to not crib on my B'day this year. So, I'm trying really hard to not think of what a nonsensical year this has been. Basically stuff like what have I done in the last one year? what have done with one whole year of my life?

Being the pessimist that I am, I obviously came up with the bad ones first. When it comes to counting hopeless mishaps I am numero uno. But, keeping the spirit alive this year as part of my resolution, I am adding a silver lining to all of them. See, I am making some progress.

I planned to get a car this year, which never happened b'cos of random reasons, family and finances. BUT, I finally did manage to take a home loan which turned out great, 'cos now I have a house in my name. Awesome shit!

I ended my relationship of 7 years, and broke off the engagement. This was probably the hardest thing I have done in my life, and turned my life and all my plans upside down. Things haven't been the same since, and while I was trying to control my life and smoothen things out, turned out life had other plans. On another (happier) note though, I am dating again, and I am a calmer person now. Well, almost.

I am not earning more money, in fact thanks to the effing EMIs I am always running out of cash. Couldn't think of any thing nice to put here.

I don't have a plan figured out yet. I still don't have a walk-in closet, or camera I wanted to buy, not even the home-theatre system. Yes, I am that materialistic. But, then I am calming myself down, 'cos I did manage to buy a new LED TV, and a frikking whole lot of furniture for mom dad this year.

Also, since I have no plans whatsoever. And, since my life is pretty much directionless at the moment, I am just going to work and sleep through the day (yeah and maybe cook some comfort food).

Hopefully, by next year I would have done some seriously awesome things with my life, so that I wouldn't have to crib on my blog again.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Hola fresh face!

If you've noticed then you're awesome! Yes, I finally gave this old diary a make-over, it was getting seriously grey. Since things ain't looking so bad nowadays - I added some color and finally decided on the background. I'm quite happy with the result now, and I also finally managed to update the second page of the blog which was under works for ages.

Feels damn good.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Ok, I may have over-reacted!

I desperately need to make my blog a little more lively. 'Cos I swear, I'm not this drab in real life..

I've been going through some templates and all, and super confused right now - cos the ones that I end up liking are all very darkish and lets just say less - lively. Anyhoo, I'm putting that on the back burner for now and try and look for happier backgrounds later. I know the last post hasn't really been uplifting, but then it was just one of those days. Over-calculating and basic PMSing messed it up for me I guess. And since I have such awesome friends to rat me out, the post fell into wrong hands. What followed was about 20 mins of extreme ridicule and super insensitive humor projected towards each and every sad sentence of the post. Yes, it was read out aloud and made into a social smoke break conversation, which mind you, will be repeatedly referred to going forward as 'that joke where it was my problem'.

Ok, I might have over reacted a little more than necessary, and as PG says - sometimes I'm like a bitch on crack (which is not entirely false).. I still think I was having a crisis day and needed some love (which came a little late) :P

On a happier note, I smoked only two cigarettes yesterday. Not because of any self control crap, but because I was plain lazy. Boyfee left around noon and we were out of smokes, so me and my lazy ass stayed in bed all afternoon and evening till he came back with a pack at night. Which turned out to be a good thing right? Whatever the reason may have been (too lazy to go downstairs and buy a pack) - I smoked only two a day! which is Huge-ish. Also, this tells me that I can actually quit. I am turning really really old in a couple of days - and on my B'day the serious resolution is to quit smoking. I will still tag along with the group to the smoke breaks just for fun and for the utter random conversations, but I won't smoke. Yep, that's the plan as of now.. so wish me luck!

Monday, August 22, 2011

It's my problem, not yours!

Home. Closing my eyes again and again to remember what it feels like to be back at home. On days like these when everything seems to be unfair, I try to recoil and go back to my happy place. Not that I have one - but I try and create it often. Dropped my brother off to the airport today morning, and while I was coming back in the cab to office all choked up and hazy eyed, all I wanted was a hug. A warm, all embracing quiet hug - something to tell me that it's gonna be alright. Wishful thinking I guess.

Sometimes I ask myself - how hard is it to get a little more attention than I deserve? Is it too much to ask for really? PMSing like crazy today, but then is that a problem I can solve on my own? Not really I guess. How hard is it for someone to put away random ego and attitude and for once show a little love? Am I really asking for too much?

Life hasn't been fair exactly, and it now seems like it never will be. Sometimes I think it's easier for me not to express anything at all. I probably will stay like this forever, deal with my problems on my own, expectations will always be zero and I'll just have to deal with the fact that I will never have anyone to hold on to when things get complicated, that there will never be anyone who will quietly deal with my petty mood swings and just tell me that it's gonna be alright.

So, for now I'm just gonna say - it's always gonna be my problem and not yours!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Weekend to Weekend!

There is nothing better than a lazy weekend getaway. I’d been craving it for a very long time. With things around me getting more and more complicated along with crazy load of work at office this quarter, I just couldn’t catch a break! Overly frustrating long office hours, emotional drama and what not – dark clouds were circling atop me 24/7. I’d been dying to go on a vacation, and when the 3 day long weekend was glaring in my face - me and my super awesome friends jumped ninja-ishly on a super deal trip to Jaipur. In sheer excitement, I overbooked the package and bought 4 tickets instead of two – and then had to deal with 2 days of ‘to and fro’ with call center women (which is never pleasant) for a refund. It was an honest mistake I said.

Needless to say, I had no intention of sight seeing or doing anything touristy at all. I’d been to Jaipur a couple of times before and frankly, even if this was my first time, I would have still not left the resort. I needed just two things – Spa & Pool. And, that my friends are exactly the two things I got. There is just nothing better than lying around like a glob of jelly all day doing nothing, getting up at absurd times and then having some good food and going back to snuggle sleep again. Major cuddling included. A couple of highlights of this awesome trip were

- Forgetting to get music cds and cribbing every 30 mins to stop somewhere and buy some CDs -which obviously never happened.

- Expletives and national ‘lets ruin all songs on planet’ day by friend Kazmi, the destroyer of all sane lyrics.

- Super awesome tea at the roadside dhaba – all of us had two cups each.

- The most romantic weather ever in Jaipur – rainy, cloudy and breezy. Just Perfect.

- The joy of doing nothing at all, and knowing you are on a 3 day vacation – no laptops and no work emails.

Now that I am back to the grind with shit loads of work piled up – all I can do is live for the next weekend. On another note – my fat bro turned 18 yesterday, so he’s coming to Delhi to celebrate and stuff – I’ll get him drunk under sisterly supervision, whether he likes it or not. Kids grow up so fast I say – watching him turn 18 just makes me nervous about my own age right now. Man, my lil bro is an adult WTF! Can’t deal with this man, pretty soon he’ll be bringing chicks home and will be drunk driving across the city. The hidden agenda to get him to Delhi is also to lecture him on adulthood safety guidelines – I know, I know, no one likes ‘the talk’ but you can’t escape it either. If you have a kiddo sibling and you are reading this – you know exactly how concerned I am right now.

Anyhoo, that’s all the updates I have for now. Ciao my lovelies!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Here's to us!

Words fall short sometimes. This is one of those posts.

When I walked into this office, I had no idea that I will be meeting one of the most amazing people that I have ever met in my life, and that person will become the steadiest rock of my life. She'll pull me through shit like no one ever has, She'll stay up with me all night and talk random non sense, and be there when I need her the most. Today when you are leaving the country and traveling to a far away land, I can only look back at us and smile. I promised myself, I won't cry and see you off with a smile.

Don't think I can do justice to explain how much you mean to me, but I guess you already know.

Here's to us :)

One of those evenings, when we cried and laughed at the same time.
To all those evenings on the balcony with chai and sutta.
Through break-ups and hook-ups.
Through boring work days.
On the spot decisions to go out and have lunch for no reason good enough.
To all the drunken nights.
To the earth-quake and chinese ambulance.
For all those hours of mega counseling and 'life sucks' conversations.

Love you forever Jackass!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Boys with Toys!

Obviously women are multitaskers. We can do all sorts of crazy things all at the same time, while giving appropriate levels of deserving attention to each activity. When the same comes to men, well... I don't need to say much.

We were born to compete. Just look at the things we have to compete with to get our mans' attention. Generally when men have nothing fun to do they'd cuddle up next to you when you are reading a very interesting book or doing some very important work and be as attentive as possible. However, just try to get your man's attention when a crucial match is on -- and if you are actually able to do this (please call me) I'd say you have mastered the ultimate art of seduction OR you have a major leash on my girlfriend!

Boys with their stupid toys - what can I say?! PSPs, damn you laptops, ipod/pads and what not. The getting their attention game will start with trying to start a conversation which will be unheard for the first 5 mins, then when you try some different moves you might see some 5 second attention towards what you are doing, and then slowly you will realize that while the hands are somewhere on your hands, the eyes are not! I know, I know, you will try and divide the attention and get it back towards you - but all efforts will fail unless you are actually planning to do a strip tease or a monica maneuver (as my wise friend PG pointed out.)

Anyhoo, thought of the day remains:

'While watching Modern Family, my BF pushed me (read: head) away from the laptop screen while I was making gooey eyes at him. And the worst part is that, this is just some sitcom - He would have trampled me if Batman was on. FML'

Monologue #3

Sometimes I think it's better to not know things. I can wait, really. I'll try not to create useless random negative thought-bubbles in my head. 'Cos it just doesn't matter, and it will never be more important than this. This moment, will always be more important than the stupid fights. I'll stop fighting with me even, I swear I will. I will live in the moment till it gets better everyday. I'll be a bit more wiser, and just for you, I'll be a little more stronger.

Till then, I don't need to know, till then... cheers to each moment.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Glitter Days!

Some glitters stick on. Like the fresh air of the first days of autumn, the light flickering breeze that gives you the feeling of approaching holidays. Like childhood memories that fade away with age, but what sticks on is the way you felt about them.

The bottled pickles drying in the sun, the smell wayfaring through closed doors and alleys. Alluring, restricting and childish friskiness– all in abundance. Sneaking up to the roof in the middle of the day, little feet craftily climbing up the scorching flight of stairs on a hot summer noon. The memories and the miniscule details fade away… but what remains with you is the taste of mischief, the first bite of that delicious pickled mango. Sheer Bliss.

Some glitters stick on. Like the pulpy paper boats- that sink within seconds in the muddy monsoon waters. The few seconds of glory, smiling faces, excellent dexterity and the simplicity of the spectacle we call childhood. The boats may not be afloat, but what remains is the art. Stuck in a cubicle all day, when we fold up a piece of paper to create that one masterpiece again, what you recall is a small fragmented piece of yourself on one of those damp drizzling afternoons. Letting go of your illusion of control and taking pride in a few moments smooth sailing before the first boat in a series of seven submerge into the opaque waters.

Some things stick on. Some things never change. They are a part of you, and always will be. Complexities of growing up may change parts of you in ways that you may never understand, but there will always be those tiny specs of glitter that stick on to you, hold on to you for the sake of your own survival; to make you what you are and to never let you forget what the real moments of gratifications hold. The have supernatural powers to drag you back to reality and isolate between what’s simulated and what’s naturally beautiful. Maturity is mostly over-rated. It brings a lot of undeserving confidence, which smears your senses with superficial judgments.

Let me look at what’s exquisite. In peace. Let me not judge with a series of when and how’s. Let me go back to my glitter days, and let me look at the world all over again with uncolored eyes; let me take it all in once more again. Let me take back the phases of forced interpretations, and explore again… unbiased and tolerant. Let me discover my glitter days once more, I’ll make the most of it this time. I promise.