Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I love dumb questions!

So, now that I have established the theme of the post, via the awesome zazzle mug, I can now go on to illustrate just how and why I love dumb questions.

Exhibit A - While dumb questions might irritate you under certain circumstances, like for example in a meeting room when you are talking about super important stuff - but then it also gives you food for laughter later on. (Like - did you hear what XYZDumbhead said? WTF was he thinking). I know we all say in meetings .. please be interactive, there are no stupid questions, please ask away and all that jazz - but really, there are stupid questions for sure. You'll know that you pulled a stupid question moment when you see everyone around you looking down. This is solely because they are laughing internally. Yeah! like in their heads they are going all LMAO but can't really LOL. So, yeah, if you see the meeting owner taking a 5 seconds pause and everyone looking down - you asked a stupid question without a doubt.

Exhibit B - What cracks me up even more are those people, who think that asking any question whatsoever makes them look engaged and attentive!!! (can you go back to the last slide please? let me stare at it for 15 seconds and ask, what is that blue line over there which says annual spend??!!!)

Also, coming back to the point, there are stupid questions which break all boundaries of socially acceptable norms of human interactions and are hilarious yet painful. Some of these questions will make you shudder, and make you laugh hard enough so you pee your pants. There is a Mecca of these stupid questions and that shining diamond mine of dumbfuck questions lie within the Yahoo answers page !

Whenever I am bored, or jobless or sulking about random things, I visit this super awesome collection of utter stupidity and I instantly feel refreshed. Refreshed and recharged by the sheer desperation of these questions. Since, I was obviously quite free today morning, I have taken the time out to pick out some gems from Yahoo answers, and posting it here - for all of us who need a good break from work. So take a break, and laugh with me, will you!?! ( I am answering them in my head, you can do the same. Most are unanswerable. Really.)

Q.1 How do you determine the size of someone's fingers?

Q2. What is a good catch Fraze for a school campaign? (Are you sure you're in school my dear spelling bee champion?)
Q3. My mother cat is meowing? (WTF)

Q4. My chickens are dying randomly everyday?

Q5. Why is my snail just sitting there?!

Q6. How to find an escaped wild lizard in the house! please help.

Q7. I have not been able to sleep, heart burn.. am I pregnant?!

Q8. What should I do about my friend being in a relationship with a toxic underaged girl!

Enough to cheer me up for a day!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Family Guy: Asian Infomercial

Hahahahahahaha! this one just cracked me up. HAD to share this with all the Family guy lovers out there...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Stop global whining!

A note to myself: 6:55 PM - stuck at work, not working though!

It doesn't look so bad - and even if it does look that bad - it's not as bad as it looks. See, I can cheer myself up all by my own. Nothing that major right - keep telling yourself that, keep breathing, yep that's right, don't think too much-- also your hair is precious. Tie it back up in a bun right now. Nails too, they are good: stop eating them right now. Don't even think of going over to his desk and whining, Nooo! don't open the chat window - she's gone for a movie. Whatever you do, DO NOT call mom. You know why you can't call mom right!

See, its not that bad. Ventilate, breathe, smile, relax. All by yourself, you can handle it. No need to crib. At all.

I have taken up this mighty challenge to not crib for an entire week. Yes, that's right. I'm doing it for a bigger cause, for humanity's sake (I keep telling myself that). Stop mind pollution type campaign this is becoming me thinks. Anyhoo, what I'm not whining about this week - top picks are:

#how much my life sucks
#WTF did that bitch say about me
#how much I hate paying EMIs
#how much random baggage I carry around
#dark circles under my eyes
#random work shit
#how much my life sucks (yea I said that already - but its so all encompassing that it pretty much says it all)

Hi, overly complicated life, take that! I just bazookahh-ed you with a random resolution. You will no longer get the sweet pleasure of watching me suffer and whine. I am taking the cranky out to the garbage! Watch me!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A casanova's heart

A wall he created once, to never let hurt trickle in
Broke a zillion hearts, just to avoid getting hurt within

Made a ton of promises : all that he couldn't keep
and sang to them you're special: just so that they wouldn't leave.

Built their hopes up, and carved their hearts with love
Never to fall in love though, lest he'd fall apart.

Amassed a lot of love for real, only to give it up...
Never felt the pain for real, nothing could pierce the wall..

An empty heart feels no magic at all, nothing rips it apart..
The iron core of void he had was called the Casanova's heart.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Read this somewhere yesterday, and couldn't stop laughing. Really, its so true. The shin bone is like the weak spot on your mind (does that make sense?). Every one has a weak spot in their minds, I think. Not that what I think is important, but still I'll express it. The weak spot gets hit every once in a while at the most unexpected places, at the most unexpected turn of events. You go into the dark room thinking, heck I know this room. The over confident fool that you are!

Anyhoo, coming back to the point, which I have now failed to express very creatively while screaming at the top of my voice (inside my head though) no no no, I have to prove a point and write a nice post today, because I can so feel the ideas boiling inside my head. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that there is no good way to know what your weak spot is until you get hurt. Right there. Stop groveling now, cover that shin I say!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

5 megapixel Thursdays!

I've been thinking of putting up all the random pics I take from my phone camera somewhere, 'cos some of them (although amateurish) come out really better than expected. So, from today I'm starting a weekly picture upload post, and hoping to share some other amazing pics taken by friends and family (all via phone cameras though - no serious stints allowed). Also, I hereby vow not to photoshop any of them..

A Picture's worth a thousand words! Starting the series of 5 megapixel Thursdays with this one taken @ Cafe Morrison.

We've seen this image a zillion times, but I loved the lighting..

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Loathe List.

*Drum Rolls*

So, I had to send out this small introduction to a new team I am joining at work yesterday, and I had a quick couple of lines about myself, likes/dislikes et cetra. The love list was pretty crisp, and then when I started writing the hate list - it all came pouring out with magical fluidity. I actually had to shorten the version, 'cos obviously I don't want my new team to freak out and all. Plus they wouldn't want to read a whole page of random things I loathe. BUT - that doesn't mean I will spare this blog and the poor readers! That's right, I am adding all the things I deleted out of that intro para and I'm adding it here ya'll. * Disclaimer * - I might come across as a very negative person after this, but then it's just a small misunderstanding and I am actually quite the chirpy and social butterfly-ish. No, really I am!

Ok, drum rolls once more please, for the loathe list!
  1. Octopuses
  2. roller-coasters,
  3. the color yellow, Y.U.C.K!
  4. cars that go all haywire on the road and you can clearly see the driver trying to fetch something from the back seat,
  5. slow Internet connection,
  6. soggy popcorn,
  7. Painfully slow elevator doors that close a year after you enter,
  8. Low budget sci-fi films where martians are green and spaceships/UFO's look faker than generally how fake they are.
  9. Overalls - what's up with that? Pants, t-shirt, suspenders - **** make up your mind!!!
  10. Fake hotdogs - aka the soya sausage (healthy my ass)
  11. People who stand at the KFC counter for 15 mins without looking at the menu (it's right there) and then start deciding what to order only when the cashier asks what they want. What is wrong with you people??! I judge you! There are hungry people very very hungry people behind you!
  12. ppl who think itz kool to ryt lyk dis! Your parents sent you to school for a reason - learn to write bitches.
  13. People who pretend to get drunk with one shot of vodka.
  14. Butt-cracks.
  15. Sushi - It's raw fish!!!!! Noooooo.....
  16. Cleaning my room
  17. Forwarded emails that threaten to destroy your love life within 7 days if you don't find 20 more helpless suckers who'd read them.
  18. Guys with overgrown toe nails.
  19. Stick-on nail art - it looks like your nails are infested!
  20. Mr.Bean - Can. not. stand. him.
Phew! Longer than I anticipated - but what they hell, they deserved to be on the loathe list.

Jupiter is lonely tonight.

I'm the firebug who fell in love with a distant star,

Light years away, yet emitting light.

A distant dream of impossible destiny…

So far away, yet seemingly within reach

Within grip, so real – yet moving away,

I'm the firebug who fell in love with the endless fire.

Glowing, shining, burning so deeply.

Reaching out, beaming – but alone for eternity.

If I see it, I can reach it I said.

Turns out, mirages are meant to stay out of reach.

Wandering souls of this earth told me,

Some things are never meant to be, destiny’s child…

Control is an illusion, let it be,

Just let it be.

Jupiter will be lonely tonight, just let it be.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Circle of trust - True story!

A couple of days back I posted a status on FB which read - 'learning to differentiate between friends, and friends who are family'. Needless to say, this led to an upsurge of raised eyebrows around the friend community, and I even got texts from friends asking what happened. Well, nothing happened really - it's just one of those days when you reminisce and realize the importance of certain people in your life and how your life would have been nothing but ordinary without their existence. This is all about those people who make my life less ordinary and add all sorts of drama known to man.

This one goes out to my peeps - simply 'cos they are that awesome.

The circle of trust started as a drunken night out and expanded into this fun phrase that we would refer to every time we'd had a couple of litres of alcohol flowing through our veins - but unknowingly and uncannily somehow the circle of trust does exist. A Godzilla weekend and a Beer Island spree later there we were (PG & KZ) discussing who we should include in our little circle of trust, turns out - not only did we include him but almost a year later realized I was crazy about him.

I'm in the mush mood today so I'm gonna tell y'all about my favorite homies and just how awesome they are - and yes of course I'm gonna use made up names for them - just 'coz it's that much fun.

Evil Twin - Oh we go long back. Through the fights and make ups, the monica dance and the omelette breaks. The drunk night outs and the crazy midnight calls - we've been thick as thieves. He's my evil twin, my alter-ego and bitch all at once. Even though we are miles and miles away, we're still the best of friends. No questions asked, no explanations needed, we'd back each other up through shit and we know that.

Drama Queen - She's the toughest of the lot, insanely awesome really. Even though we might not talk about our live's eternal sorrows and miseries, we understand a lot more about each other than anyone else. We are really capable of having telepathic conversations most times and know exactly how we want each other to behave in any given situation. She's fun, super quirky and one of the most awesomest writers ever (check her out here). She can lift up any drab situation by cracking some of the funniest and most obscene comments ever. She's also the first one to get sloshed most of the times. Yes, I have seen her passed out, puking, almost trying to jump off a car, crying, howling, kissing, romancing and dancing like no one's watching her. And yea - no one can pull off a drama better than her for sure.

Mr. Vocab - He's her better half really - like two pieces of a jigsaw they fit perfectly, almost like a dream. First time I saw him I thought he's a junkie - long hair, grim look and wandering gaze and all that. But then alcohol does something to people that one can only be thankful for. He comes up with random sophisticated words like 'citrus' and all. Take that! He's also the most fun drunkie ever. Also known as the enraged driver and the most philosophical one of the group - can seriously make a lot of sense sometimes. Maybe, makes the most sense most of the times.

Jackass - The name says it all I think. She left her brains at home when she met us. Can say the most randomly nonsensical things ever spoken and makes sense only 0.5% of the times. She's seen me through tough times, and we've picked each other up like toy pieces and literally put ourselves back together for the show. The big giant glob of heart that she is, she can be the most lovable creature that ever existed.

Batman - Well, I'm not going to say much about him, apart from the fact that he's managed to pick me up and turn me towards life again. When he's not busy watching or reading Batman - he actually listens. He is also the laziest soul on the planet and can go to any lengths to get his way around the house. He's also a super awesome boyfriend <3

Alice - She is technically the nicest person who ever walked this planet. The word 'bitch' falls flat on its face when it approaches her. She is a bookworm really, can't keep her hands off books and spends half her salary buying books. Also an amazing photographer and writer, although not a frequent one. Wish she'd write more..(Check her out here)

Smartass - Now that Jackass is all settled in a foreign land, we are thinking of passing her throne to him. He does both roles well. He is the funniest shit around. Says the most freakishly hilarious things known to man. Can make me laugh, choke, and die at the same time. There is no way that anyone can be in a bad mood when they're around this menace of a man. He is prone to PMS though and can get headaches out of nowhere to get his way. But we love him nonetheless. I also know that if he reads this ever, I'd have to the butt of all jokes for over a week.

It's one of those rare combinations I think. The smart, the funny, the mother-goose, the shrink, the baby and the bear. Not making much sense right now I think, but then I'm so proud and insanely happy to have known these people that I think I'm allowed to rant a little. No?
Ok, maybe not!

Until, my next mush mode post - here's to my lovelies! XoXo

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Nightmare Dramas & an Unfinished dream

Im moody when I want to be. I know that! No questioning the intentions behind my anger spurs here. It just so happens that I can get angry when I am sleeping too. Because of something that someone didn't do in my dreams. Yes, I am that irrational.

Came back late after a nice long drive at night, and was super tired. The moment I hit the bed I drifted off. While boyfee aka Batman was reading this super gripping book (which I now regret giving him since he is carrying it around like an extended part of his hand), I slept off quite immediately. After a while I distinctly remember dreaming about going to some movie, and then coming back home to realize that the door was busted open and a huge hole in my bedroom wall. Well, nightmares can be vividly tormenting for me most times, and all I was doing was shouting and calling for help. How pansy of me no? Now that I think about it, if it was a real life situation, I would have been more forthcoming and heroic and would have called the cops or beaten the thief to death myself. I can be surprisingly bold in most real life crisis situations. But, since this is a nightmare and the sole purpose of a nightmare is to scare the bejeezus out of you, there I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Batman was of course there, and reading his book quietly (yes, even in the dream) and not responding. Which was infuriating. Period.

Struggling and screaming when I woke up and I realized he WAS actually reading the book, sitting right next to me. Furious I was, felt like beating the shit out him but I was too drained out by the whole ordeal of sleep-screaming. Now, obviously he doesn't realize why I was mad at him, and there is no humanly possible way of explaining this rationally to him. I know that, don't worry (but still that doesn't mean that I wasn't allowed to be mad at him for ignoring me in my dreams right?!). To make things simpler, I think I'll need to lay out the expectations and tell him straight that I am allowed to be mad at him for random reasons that he might not understand, but still must accept without a fight.

Talking of dreams now, I have decided to finally create an awesome library in my home (whenever and wherever that home is). So, I'll (rather, we'll) start buying our favorite books, one or two each month and stacking 'em up for the grand collection. Having a library of my own had been my ultimate dream for a very long time. I grew up in a house smelling of old books all the time. My grandfather had this mystery room full of sky high cabinets always smelling of old pages. There was this bed by the side and a small study table. He would spend hours there, and the collection was to die for. He would religiously visit the book fair in kolkata every winter and come back with dozens of new books. Some he'd give away to us, and some would be stored in his special wooden cabinets. I want a small room to myself too. A bright red room covered with mahogany wooden lofts: smiling ear to ear with books. Not just books, but gems. Each will be handpicked, each one ready to fit an occasion. I'll categorize and even buy a label maker. A small coffee maker, a fridge to hold the beer cans and comfy two-seater by the side with fluffy cushions. Yeah, I need the fluff! * sigh * life will be perfect then.

I was doing some research on online book stores and I already have a list of 5 that I wanna buy this month. But, since I am allowed to buy only 2 per month ('cos I aint that rich yet) - I am having a tough time deciding between 'A Thousand Splendid Suns', 'Anne of Green Gables' and 'A death in the family'. I know it's a random sampling, but since I have already decided to get 'A clockwork Orange' for this month, I just have place for one more. I'm still doing some picking and stuff to decide no.2 for September and then I'll be all set to order! YAY!

Monday, September 5, 2011

What's up life?

If there is ever a parallel dimension where time and space would collide, if there is such a wonder called the rabbit hole of the past-present-future... I'd slide right down. Not to change anything though, but just to reassure myself that everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

Everything is in order, there’s no rush lemme tell you now… these are all just stepping-stones; all bads will lead to eventual goods. Life will keep moving through odd shots and bulls-eyes, but you’ll never regret anything or anyone. Take a deep breath through the panic attacks, relax through those rotten chemistry papers, forgive those silly boys and hold on to the ones who matter. Teenage is going to be tough, but don’t give up, you won’t be the odd one out in a couple of years. Give it a rest, stop pestering yourself with random guilt trips – he’s not worth it. Work it out, don’t fight it out. Stop cursing, and start believing. I've gotta be me....

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Older, yet not wiser!

~ Somethings can't be explained, some feelings can't be described. Just that this day coincides with the day I was born that's all. A year full of hope - and then there was none.

~ Let's refresh and start over. Not the easiest thing to do, hasn't been easy so far. First one without the familiar ordeal, it's all new, it's all fresh.

~ Letting out the B'day blues here. No point holding back... Turning a little older, a little happier - not necessarily wiser though.