Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Masterpiece...!

This is an article written by a friend of mine, I am taking the liberty to post it in my blog. As always, he is too lazy to put it up anywhere.. so here it goes!

Politically Correct! DICTIONARY

The most obvious current affair, that stirred my Grey cells to start
churning on this topic was the Billu barber AKA the Billu hair-dresser
controversy. The fact that the politically correct Salon and Beauty
Parlors’ Association in Maharashtra noted that the term 'Barber' is
equivalent to a low-caste-shit-head-hair-cutting guy came to me as an
unnatural shock. From where they derive these derogatory meanings to almost
every humanly-possible known term is still a mystery to me. It seems
nowadays you cannot call a "Spade a Spade." I very well know that my
efforts to solve this mystery would be futile.

So I thought I should employ my demented mind in some other creative
activity. Hence I have started working on a dictionary, aka, a politically
correct dictionary. This dictionary will only have conversions. ( No, plz
dont misunderstand, it has nothing do with maths. I not only stay far from
maths I have almost divorced it). Conversions mean there will be words
which are human and earthly but are politically incorrect as in barber, I
have converted them into politically correct terms so that our "sensitive
and politically correct population" don't feel humiliated any more.

So here it goes:- (These are just a few to begin with, corrections are not
at all welcome)

Barber –> Hairdresser
Tailor –>Fashion Designer
Grocer–>Food Retailer
Pickpocket–>Economic Offender
Snake Oil Salesman–> Research Proposal Writer
Bonded Slave—> PhD student
Incorrigible Gossip –> Blogger ( I love this!)
Mujra –> Item Number or 'Need of the script' or 'compulsive livelihood'
Indifference–>Spirit of [insert Indian city name]
Copying –> Internalizing
Piracy –> Inspiration
Bashing Girls at PUB –> Protecting Indian Culture
Fat –> Healthy (I had to write this! Didnt I?)
Terrorist –> Misguided Youth
Wife/Husband –> Partner
Sleeping Partner –> Financier
Casting Couch –> Talent Show
Leching –> Aggressively Appreciating
Criminal –> Politician
Bastard –> Son of unmarried parents
Scary looking woman –> Woman with high moral character
Ugly looking man –> Son of misfortune
Coded Slave –> Software Engineer
Choking –> Being South African (reference World Cup'99)
Moron –> Intellectually Challenged
Lazy –> Motivationally Challenged
Cynical –> Experienced
Prodigal Son –> Masters Student in USA with HIMP Visa
Rape Victims –> Sufferers of the Patriarchal Society
Spousal Abuse –> Sadomasochism (reference wikipedia)
Pakistan –> Front Line ally in the war on terror


The article is written in the purest of spirit. If still not convinced,
wait for my next article. "Kill the Author"

------------ FYI: Author-- Devdutta Guha Roy!!