Monday, July 9, 2012

Man vs Wild.

I have a fridge full of mangoes. Slurp delicious amazingly awesome mangoes, calling out to me every day. I have chocolates & fudge ice-cream stacked up. Three frozen packs of chicken wings I was dying to cook last week, I even read up on innovative sauces to go with 'em. There is a watermelon that is waiting to get juiced with black salt and there is a pack of Afghani chicken that must be eaten today or it'll go bad. I have a brand new grill pan that's waiting to cook some tikkas.What's the point of saying all of this? Well, the point is I can't do shit. 'Cos I'm locked out of my kitchen in my own effing house. The only way I can access the kitchen is if I wear a body suit.

Now, I am trying to look for a body suit online, but Google is throwing up some kinky results, which are not an option. Anyway, coming back to the story..

It all started last week when I was cooking some nice chicken breasts in the kitchen. Batman's mom was visiting 'cos it was his B'day. I made some lunch and we all ate & slept off. After the nap I got up to make some juice & Batman's mom was making tea, when suddenly I saw this creature jump out from behind the stove and on to the floor right beside my foot. Needless to say, I almost passed out & screamed my lungs off while jumping on his mom at the same time. During my panic attack I didn't see where it went. All I wanted to do was go and hide in my room. Which I did. For the next 24 hours. It was a Rat. Yeah, a rat. That rat (and one more mate of his, a mouse it seems) have been hiding in under my gas for some time and eating chicken legs and shit. The horror.

Now the kitchen doors are permanently closed and all I do is stand out side and watch them eat stuff while sitting on the counter top. One night (last Thursday) I mustered up the courage to place some 'rat kill' on the kitchen counter and ran away. In the morning I found all bits and pieces of the rat kill gathered in one place. A MOCK Corner. It was almost like they were making fun of me. The super intelligent pair of rat-mouse have been ransacking the place ever since. We got glue traps as well, and guess what they did? Sat at the edge of the glue trap, looked at me (looking at him from outside the closed door) and picked up the biscuit from the edge carefully and went around it. MOCKING again!

This is serious shit. I've declared war. I am dying to eat daal-chawal cooked at home. I can't take chinese take-aways and pizzas anymore. I need my kitchen back. So listen up you fuckers, you sleep tight tonight - cos tomorrow Im going ninja ROONY & Batman are going ninja on your asses.


  1. hahahahaha! I can totally imagine you like this :p I hope you get rid of the rats soon!

  2. don't laugh man.. this is psycho shit!

  3. Is rat a non-veg!! eating chicken legs :-P