| Swaying upwards like a bunch of dry leaves, swiftly in motion, though short-lived. What a fool she was to have left herself with no other prerogative, purpose or route. It felt right for a split second maybe. Maybe. Somewhere between the feeling of sheer weightlessness and being plummeted towards the twisted jaws of reality, it really felt right. It felt something like freedom, something like real happiness - like when you are alone with yourself and you smile for no reason at all. |
For as long as she could remember she really wanted to be happy. She knew happy people live longer; happy people feel less pain for some reason. She would spend countless hours figuring out the jigsaw of her own life, trying to understand the loopholes of her damaged existence. Her everlasting quest to achieve that tranquil stage: where she could smile for no reason at all. It took some time, and didn't come easy.
Love, passion, perfection and what not! She had heard fairytales wrapped in modern age romanticism. But when the moment was hers she was as ignorant as a 40 year old virgin. She blamed her beginnings, questioned her sanity, and her faulty upbringing. Chivalry seemed like a golden crown she didn't deserve. Compassion was her medicine.
The charm, the wit, the strong hands on her waist, the gentle stroke on her hair. It was her moment of glory, and she knew she was finally the protagonist of her own love story. Not just a hopeful bystander or even the pitiful supporting actress. Warm summer days soon turned to spring, and days turned into months, and her romance continued to blossom. Pouring her heart and soul she wrapped them with passion as well as obsession. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night just to ensure she wasn't alone. She found love.
Finally when the last golden leaf of autumn had been swept away from the sidewalks, she woke up to find herself in solitude. The silence was breathtaking. She never saw it coming. Her damages were far too powerful to let her feel the charades of "simplistic needs" of a modern relationship. She never lived by rules of courtship. Not that she wasn't heartbroken, not that she wasn't suffering from a sense of deceit; and she was far from coping with the upshots of infidelity. But as she lay there looking at the deep cloud of smoke stuck between her lips- she let out a breath, like a silent prayer – a truce with her frantic quest. As the smoke cycloned upwards she felt a sense of deep relief. Connecting herself with reality, finally making peace with herself- she finally let go and smiled. For no reason at all.