Wednesday, January 8, 2014

I wouldn't wanna miss this fairy tale! The Smart-Things Revolution is Coming!

I’m hooked to the smart phone. Well who isn’t. This seemingly harmless commodity has effortlessly slipped into our lives in such a way that at some point of time you look back and think, how the hell did you survive without it?

Now… Do I NEED to know how long it will take me to get to work today morning? Well, Five years ago, I could do fine without it – But now it’s an intrinsic part of my morning routine. The scary dependence on smart phones can only increase with time as more and more ideas start pouring in … making us paralyzed without it. Just like we are paralyzed without our laptops, microwave ovens, Fridge, air conditioning (seriously, how they hell did I survive in the 90s without AC??!).  Don’t get me wrong… this post is not about the scary dependence and how we should go back to simple living and what not. Hell no! I am tech-pro, In fact I’d wish I was born another 20 years later mebbe… to see more cool gadgets and smart-whatevers kick in. My wish list for smart-thingy’s are endless (sometimes weird), but I feel the need to share my enthusiasm with you and tell you about the dreams I dream. (No I don’t dream of world peace or rainbows with pots of gold or becoming the first woman paraglider to soar through the Himalayas. ‘Cos that will be random.)

Here’s my wishlist of smart-thingys that I hope (please God) that we get to use in the coming years (before I die:  two please).

Smart Refrigerator – Think of a fridge which tells you what’s in it. My dream: I sit in the living room and ask – Yo, do you have butter? And my fridge says, No – you need to buy more. And then later, it memos what I need and texts my grocery list to my phone while I am at work. Oh! *The tears of Joy* Plus it will have a huge inventory of recipes fed to its smart machine brain which will read out recipes step by step as I cook. Needless to say it will be a ninja when it comes to popping out ice… super-fast and making even more ice even more super-fastly.

Smart-Bed Panel – This one’s my favorite. Imagine: the moment your head hits the pillow in a sleeping position (not in a leaning back, watching TV or reading position- mind you!) It slowly connects to your favorite sleepy time playlist and starts to play within 10 seconds. My smart bed panel or head board will contain the controls to the drapes, the lights/dimmers, Television and Air-conditioning. The Television will switch-off - on its own, the drapes will be shut and AC turned down to the optimum sleeping temperature at the touch of a button called ‘Sleep mode’.  What more! It will automatically calculate your sleep cycle within the week and from the second week onwards will automate the alarm-time in the morning, switch off the AC, open the drapes and play the most effective wake up tune to kick- start the day perfectly. Aaah! Bliss. Needless to say, your ipod and your audio books are connected to it. Bam! Also, when you are hungover on a week day it will play ‘Eye of the tiger’ to get you out of bed and off to work.

The Smart Housekeeper AKA Irona – No I don’t mean a personal maid; and even if you do have a butler to fit this category – tell me what is cooler? A average joe butler or Irona? If you chose Butler you can go back to the farm you came from and stop reading this. But for me Irona is the ultimate dream. The pinnacle of my housekeeping heaven. To be honest, I am lousy at housekeeping and chores and shit. I do my laundry once in two weeks, that too when I am almost forced to go commando and run out of clean underwear. Plus,  I hate dusting. HATE. HATE. HATE. Ok you got the drift. So Irona is where my salvation lies. I know having a robot maid is not realistic yet. Futuristic yes, but still too cartoonish I say. So, Irona is going to be a smart machine which can look like anything really – A cabinet, a LCD panel or VIKI (like in I Robot) or a plain piece of panel really. The beauty is in what it does really. This is a central intelligence system for all devices in the house and it automatically schedules and delivers chores and keeps the house slick. It vacuums – that is: sucks in all the pollution and dust in the air of the house every two days and pumps out air fresheners, it has an alarm when we are about to run out of milk, it starts up the washing machine when it is half full of clothes (vs when it’s totally full and so is the laundry bag), it keeps a tab on household expenses and knows I spent how much on what; it connects to my phone and sends me texts on what needs to be done with reminders – change bedsheet today, throw out the fungus growing curry sauce, call the plumber and, get your shit together Mum is coming tomorrow. Also, when I reach home from work it plays celebratory victory music fit for a queen’s entry into her castle and runs the water for a bubble bath: perfect mix of warm and cold. And that’s when I’d hit nirvana. Right there, at that spot.

I am an optimist. I know all this is on its way. Soon. Very soon. Till then, just keep me alive God. I wouldn’t wanna miss this fairy tale.

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