Thursday, March 29, 2012

What Am I thinking?!

Due to lack of time, I am attempting a hurried post. More so because I need to word vomit all of it out. Yes there are burning questions, awkward moments which I wish hadn't happened, too much information I gave to someone (& repenting that now) and other such seemingly inconspicuous activities which led to life changing (ok maybe not life changing but quite big) turn of events.

We are working too much, forgetting ourselves and what we mean to each other. In a desperate attempt to hang on, we are devising forceful strategies to simply stick it out. Are we growing older? or simply getting tired with life? I recently caught up with one of my favorite girlfriends in Mumbai this week. Even though I was on a tight schedule and we only had a couple of hours to chill, it was probably the single best thing I had done in weeks. Why am I not doing more of these things, I ask myself! No answer though.

Recently I have started blurting out things while I am about to go to sleep. Since I get to spend less than 2 hours with my man every day - I always think of things to say at the wrong time. Like when we are about to sleep, he is already sleeping or has his headphones on. I realized I was kind of talking to myself probably. He is half asleep and obviously not listening to my burning issues, but yeah what the hell! Some times this goes against me - I say something highly inappropriate and then he jolts out of his sleep and stares at me. I wish I hadn't said that moment #410. Btw the epic masterpiece & the grandfather of awkward moment happened yesterday night and I am not too happy with it.

I miss being young and carefree. Ok who doesn't. But this overwhelming feeling of having to sort out my life and take all big risks right about now is driving me to the edge. This constant need to prove myself and all that I stand for is probably the most important thing I am thinking all day long. It's always on. Question is when will this end? Is this a quarter-life crisis?! PG pointed out that I tend to get more depressing on weekends when I should be chilling rather than cribbing. I realize now, it's because I am less pre-occupied with work and 'brain capacity' for taking more bucket loads of tension increases. Hence the Sunday cribbathon!

Oh and did I tell you that I have developed a migraine thanks to all this!!!

Somewhere between trying to maintain work-life balance, client meetings, house hunting, relationship drama and the whole 'must.prove.myself' I increasingly find myself in a situation where I want some closure. When where and how!

This was meant to be a much smaller post - * Sigh *

1 comment:

  1. in times like these, close your eyes and say: WALK IN CLOSET!