Take my hand... literally.

I'm alive, I'm alive. No actually my hand is. I got up in at dawn-break today with a paralyzed hand. As soon as I opened my eyes, I tried to grab my phone from the side of my pillow, to which my hand said - sorry, no one home. I looked at my left hand just lying there in a twist limp of a state, motionless, painless, feelingless. Everything less. Basically, I had slept off on it and as a result I had no control over it. It's effing scary. I mean, at that moment I was looking at my hand like it was not even a part of my body - it was beyond control. It was painful to relate to it as my hand at that time, and I was about to almost pick it up with my other hand like some toy. Horrid.  It was like some fake attachment stuck to my body and I was basically having an almost Kill Bill-ish wiggle your hand moment when the blood finally started flowing. I could feel it. It was like a rush. Like slowly gaining consciousness after you bumped your head somewhere and blacked out. Those ten seconds were crucial as I connected my barbie hand back to my living body. I realized collective consciousness was probably a myth, and the soul of my hand was probably roaming around somewhere (more fun obviously, like Disney land). But, yeah - guys, brain is awesome. It fucking controls everything, and without that control you are as helpless as a fat bird stuck in a small cage. So, yeah.. I guess what Im trying to say is, I love my brain. It helps me move stuff. Big moment for me right now. I know its getting difficult for you guys to appreciate the intent of this post with each line you read... but trust me on this one, the day you wake up with a paralyzed body part and struggle to move it for 15 seconds (while these 15 seconds seem like 15 mins) you'll know exactly what I am talking about. The objective of this rant was to impart the wisdom that our body is a mere vessel. Ok, I've gone too far with this now. I'll shut up.

Moo point!

Sometimes, I am more frustrated with myself more than anything else. It's unnerving to see myself sulking over things that could have been easily taken care of. The art of communicating openly is definitely not my forte, and as the years pass by, I have realized that I am becoming more and more of a quiet person. Quiet with feelings, decisions and contemplations. While to some this might actually work, for me, the seclusion seems to be one of those rare double edged sword sorta things. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I was able to openly voice all the drama inside my head!? How much would it be appreciated/rejected/ridiculed!

But I wish, I really wish that sometimes I would be able to say the right things at the right time. The most heartbreaking thing for me has to be an act of selfishness. When I see that, it makes me furious - more at myself for not telling the person 'u know what, ur being extremely selfish right now'. I wish I could most times. In stead, I quietly choose to sulk or avoid. After a point avoiding becomes pointless I guess and then communication becomes necessary. I am too late for that too. Mostly. So the moment passes. I wish I didn't have to write a post everytime this happens. I wish I could say it out loud sometimes. I am still waiting for that aha moment I guess.. when I finally decide how much is too much and shed all inhibitions of cordial proper conduct and say just what's exactly on my mind.. you know what I mean?! Of course you don't... so I guess this was all a moo point!

We are the people our parents warned us about!

Stubborn. Smokers. Drinkers. Slaggers. Addicts. Chaotic. Prejudiced! Opportunists. Promiscuous. Spoilt! Lazy. Picky. Scruffy!

We are loud & obnoxious, we create uncomfortable public situations, we go out dancing all night without any obligations! We earn to spend, we spend to enjoy. We lack foresight, we lack discipline. We spoil those around us, we are the black hole of chaos and the masterminds of havoc. We'll drag you in & inspire you in the most uninspiring ways. We'll live for the moment and never look back. Be very careful, dear friend - we are the people our parents warned us about.

Game on..

A gun to my chest,

Here goes, another round of Russian Roullette.

Face over Face, too tired to pretend?

Time to put on my mask and walk on the stage.

Simpler times, happier thoughts, bringing me closer to one step i'm not!

Getting there, yes! this time i'm sure..

Pushing myself to the furthest limit.. tip of the ice-berg?

Just what I thought..

Behind the final curtain, its time for the applause.

Closed the curtains again, its the time for the applause

Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops

Was listening to the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with roony yesterday night (the BBC radio series) which is brilliant by the way, and kept on thinking of one thing and one thing only. So many things that you don't even know exist can be way bigger than what you think you are. You have problems! you think, you have problems - you will really have problems when you are chased by evil aliens across the galaxy maybe. Ok, that was random and intentionally random at that. But I didn't have a more creative example at this time. Giving it one more shot - you will really be in trouble when some gooey green eyed creature with a zap gun (capable of slowly melting away your important body parts) will stick you up at gun point maybe and ask you to jump out of a spaceship and you asphyxiate into an oxygen-less black hole.

So, yeah I guess what I am trying to say is - I am sure you have troubles, you have issues. You think you have troubles way bigger and fatter than anyone else. But trust me the worst is yet to come. There are more ginormous things out there which will catch you off-guard and even then, that won't be the biggest one of the lot. There are probably 100 versions of you in 100 different timelines in different dimensions in outer space across galaxies all thinking 'my problem is the biggest problem'.

Guess what - you are just a dot. An insignificant dot. In the larger, grander scheme of things your part maybe .0000001% important and your problems may even less than .0000000000001% prominent. So, be happy and be positive, 'cos that's what will keep you going. Be optimistic and look beyond your troubles. Be considerate will you and sing with me.... Some where over the rainbowwwwww... where the skies are bluuuueeeee... Some day I'll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind meeeee... where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops... that's where you'll find meeeeee