Bridezillas Unite

I wish there was some crash course, or a class I could take which would prepare me for the hazardous, inane, shipwrecking-ly nauseating experience that I have been going through for the last one month. Well, in all fairness - people who get married in less than 3 months notice don't get to whine and crib. The get to throw a fit and transmogrify into the most feared creature of them all.
You may think Bridezillas are an urban myth, an old wives tale or fodder for bitchathons but in reality - they exist. We exist.

The crippling pressure of losing control of things faster than you can say 'crap' is the main cause of bridezilla-ness. Some say that it's hereditary, and some think it's peer pressure. Some scientists  Some bitches say that it's just lime-light hogging techniques... way before the wedding functions actually start. But from my personal experience it seems to be more of an involuntary act, like something triggered by the full moon of idiocy and complete lack of 'sense of decency' on the parts of "wedding planners", READ: people around you, family, the family of the family and some douche bags who exist only to make your lives miserable. (No seriously, these people get up in the morning with a check-list called douchebagggery task list of the day). Some people would also think it would be fun to put the bride and groom on rotating platforms while they exchange love bands. Yes please! go ahead and put a famished, nauseated bride on a revolving pedestal and watch her puke her insides out. Some people would think it's fun to put 500 kilos of jewelry on the bride. Well, if I am not training to be a drug mule heavy lifting illegal materials out of the country then NO, I don't need to wear 5 different types of necklaces.

Anyway, the point I am trying to drive home is. Please be patient with me for the next two months. If you don't want to be on my wrath list, or get your head chewed off, or want me to sit on your face. Be patient. And I swear this will be over, sooner than you think.