Monologue II

I wanna know, how late is too late? Can you please tell me, when was the right time to freak out? Now that I know that I am freaking out, why can’t I say it out loud? I know you will judge me and say what were you doing for all these years? Hibernating on your worst fears? But it’s true! That’s exactly what I had been doing for so long. Wishing away problems and pretending they never existed. Well you can call me a coward and an escapist, but I deserve all of that.

I am not trying to defend myself, and I am definitely not giving up, but if I didn’t say it out loud now – then I would have never said it. I don’t know if this is the right time to bring all this up, and I don’t know if it will ever be the right time. Now is the time I wish for a time machine, or a letter to my past self. That would come in handy.

Maybe Sorry isn’t enough at this point. Maybe we need a bigger word to emphasize the remorse, but I’ll come around. I promised myself that I would, I promised myself that I would figure this out… on my own this time!

Monologue I

What do you call that sinking feeling again? why do I feel like I am back to square one? Sometimes I feel that I read too much in between the lines, and at the same time I feel that if I don't I'd just be compromising on the kind of person I am. The reason may be as simple or as complex as I want it to be. I'm still trying to figure if I want to keep it simple, or do I want to drag it all over the place till it's at its messiest best..... this post remains, incomplete till then....

Ringa Ring-O Roses, Pocket Full of Whaaaat???

No I don't think they are nonsense blabberings!!!

As much as we like to think that Nursery rhymes are written just for the heck of it, or to keep naughty little children occupied- I believe that there is more to nursery rhymes than 'innocence' and 'consonance'. Today, I am attempting to contribute my 'little anecdotes' to unraveling the mysteries behind the real meaning and nature of many nursery rhymes: which have made me hack my brain-cells more often than not. I think they served a very special purpose, an almost-secret history is attached to each of them and that they were written for more reasons than just plain child's play.

First of all, camouflaging them as childish rhymes, helped writers guise the true nature of their thoughts and at the same time helped them voice their opinions. In fact, many historical events, political mind-games and monarchical satires have been portrayed through nursery rhymes. Also, by reading them in accordance with their year of origin, you can actually see trails of the evolution of society and how social settings and surroundings changed with the ushering of each era!

[Disclaimer : While reading this post, you may think that I am either mad, deranged or sadistic- all of which might be true though. But if you have read this post so far, then it doesn't make sense to leave the page right now...]

So here goes my list of Rhyming puzzles (no, not as interesting as the Da Vinci code) which holds taboos and *beep* ideas of the yesteryears!!

"Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick-maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato,
'Twas enough to make a man stare."

This one reminds me of the earliest demonstration of homosexual escapades. The era of 1700s was not exactly gay-friendly and but that does not necessarily mean that it did not exist. Straight guys have always been super anxious of gay men. They were probably ten times more homophobic- than they are now; somehow the reference to 'rotten potato' and 'make a man stare' throws light to the real meaning behind this otherwise mindless childish rhyme! Also, its sad to see that from the 1700s to the year 2011, we haven't really come a long way!

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?

Well, well, this one's my favorite. Many speculations about its historical connections have been made with Queen Mary I of England, who was believed to have blinded three protestant bishops. Not that I disagree with the historical connections of 'Bloody Mary' but still, I have a couple of things about this rhyme myself, which I can't seem to put out of my mind. The most conspicuous event which hold connection to the rhyme could be the peasant revolt. Not only are the peasants portrayed as 'direction-less' and 'tortured' but at the same time they are symbolic of a revolution-- a forthright depiction of collective uprising, which the rhyme describes as never seen before. Truly, it was one of the first such collective peasant efforts of Medieval England, and one that marked the beginning of a series of efforts which led to the vanquishing serfdom/bonded slaves in England.

Ding dong bell
Pussy's in the well
Who put her in?
Little Johnny Flynn
Who pulled her out?
Little Tommy Stout
What a naughty boy was that
Try to drown poor Pussycat,
Who ne'er did any harm
But killed all the mice
In the Farmer's barn!

Written in the early 1500s, this one reeks of 'witchcraft' and consequent punishments. Not only is the cat depicted purposely as a female, but the author is also silently voicing a protest against cruelty towards these women. A little known fact is that prior to the famous punishments of the 'witch-burning', a small practice called Ducking/Cucking prevailed in England. This was a time when women accused of being witches or accused of sexual crimes (read: Prostitution) were tied to a wooden stool and thrown into the water. This later on paved the path for more heinous punishment and cruelty towards women in the early 1600s. This one is an amazing example of revolutionary thinkers of those dark times, who still had a sane mind to pull the cat out of the water!!

------------------ That's all I have for now, but I leave with one parting question.... what's your favorite nursery rhyme? :P :P

You and I

I know we may not be the most expressive couple, and we may not be the most romantic either. But, sometimes when I look around me, I feel that maybe, just maybe, I need to acknowledge us a little more than I usually do. Maybe I need to express myself a little more than I do, but the truth is I generally refrain from speaking about us in public thinking I might jinx it. When I look over the rubbles of failed relationships around me, I feel I shouldn't say much. Now, I know that I am not the 'touch-wood' type person, but that does not necessarily mean I am not insecure. Like I know in Life, they say, all good things must come to an end, I don't want to give the impression to LIFE that yes We are THAT good. Maybe, if life thinks we are just mediocre it will leave us alone.

I may not be able to tell you these things in person, but I notice the little things you do, more than you think I do. Even after so many years, you still make laugh with your stupid mis-pronunciations, I secretly adore the fact that you take over an hour to cut your nails and then proudly show it off to me thinking I'll reward you or something! LOL :P I know you still make two cups of tea in the morning even when you know I'm sleeping, and you send me gibberish nonsense texts throughout the day and somehow you always get to know whenever I am upset.

This post is dedicated to all those times when you say it out loud, and even more for the times when you don't... :) :)

XOXO! <3

Indriya- Shakti!

No, not that I am feeling extremely spiritual today! It's just that I stumbled upon an article which talks about the different meanings of Indriya and how the meaning differs with each race, religion and belief. In Buddhism, unlike Sanskrit Vedas- Indriya refers to a spiritual faculty of the somewhat the self-control principle. Which needless to pretty interesting! In Sanskrit however, it literally means "agreeing with Indra".. and finally reached its most known definition of the five senses.

Not only did I enjoy reading this piece of article, it also made me think of the millions of notions that the word can be related to. What is 'Indriya' to a blind man? is it the same as it is to a mentally challenged young girl? The way we humans see the world is not only different but uniquely independent. Which is what makes us the most sympathetic and sensitive race of all.

To a blind man 'Indriya' is an overpowering sensation of constant self searching and awareness, whereas to a small mentally challenged girl- 'Indriya' is nothing but a way to get her back to reality- the sound of glass shattering, or a hysteric call from her loved one, the touch of a friend or a jolt of a doctor. For most of us though it is a way to experience the world, and that's why I for me- 'Indriya' is Inspiration.

In my own thought-pedia, Indriya is synonymous with Inspiration. What inspires me to write, what inspires me to sing, what inspires me to love and respect, and what inspires me to strive...

An old poem, a new bottle of perfume, a secret admirer, a romantic dinner, an old faded picture, a tight hug, a much needed advise, a sudden eye-contact, an interesting conversation..... It takes very little to inspire us and take action. It's about realizing your inspiration and following it up with your inspired initiative.

To me- Indriya is nothing, but ways to find newer & greater inspirations everyday!

Love-less heart-breaks!

Much has been said about "whatever happens, happens for the best" and "my mistakes make me who I am". Not that I disagree to any of these.. but my main problem remains with the mystery of heartbreaks! Can you break your heart if you never loved? I think you can!

Lesser the love, more the pain
Assemble the Jury and let’s begin...
You called me what? I kept it sane,
Never to react , Never to blame.
Who went wrong? What’s the excuse?
Where was the love? or was that the excuse??
Trial runs for happily every-after
100th time we fall and start all over.
Lesser the love, more the pain.
No it wasn’t love, Never made till the end.
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Putting My Thinking-Cap on!

PG introduced me to Own your Beauty & I'm still thinking on how to get started on this! For now- Im just enjoying the nice beauty widget on the side bar! YAY!!!

Thanks PG! :) :)

Not-So-Much Resolutions!

This year I'm coming up with my non-exhaustive top 10 resolutions for the year and as you must have guessed, these are not resolutions at all. I can give them some pseudo-intellectual name such as 'wishful intents for 2011' or 'reflective objectives'- but I refuse to do that and will call these the Not-So-Much Resolutions AKA Nosolutions of 2011.

1. I will stop trying to exercise- it really hasn't helped me like Ever! so I am officially giving up on exercise! YAY!

2. I will start watching my favorite cartoons again- by hook or crook, I'm trying to locate all episodes of Dexter and Powerpuff girls. Any help IS and WILL be appreciated! :D

3. I will stop fighting with my boyfriend- I think our relationship has matured to a great extent over the last 7 years, and shouting/fighting is just too childish an activity to indulge in any more. From now I am taking on a new direction and my new motto is 'Silent Treatment'. In the words of Lily (HIMYM)- I will 'silent-treatment your ass to the ground'-- It's a wiser option than trying to think of cut-throat comebacks and rational reasoning while fighting.

4. I will stop cribbing about my age on this year's birthday and accept Age with Grace!! bwahahahahahaha... :P

5. I will try to invest more time on Impulsive Decisions. I know its a paradox, but eh! What the hell. I really mean it- I am not necessarily as Impulsive a person that I wish to be and since I am not growing any younger, I would want to indulge in abrupt and impulsive choices as much as I can.

6. I would want to continue digging out inspirations from random and mundane realities of life unlike "some people around me". No, I am not a creative genius, I just refuse to be a Royal cribber this year. (Disclaimer--This Nosulution comes with an expiry date of two weeks!)

7. I will continue to be entertained by Royal cribbers, who crib about their life/job/sleeplessness/lack of metabolism etc and include the fun-facts in my blog. I have realized that if they don't complain, I don't get enough energy and enthusiasm to write!! :P :P

8. I am going to fold at least one item of clothing everyday and neatly stack them in the closet-- Ok Ok, scrap this one-- (terms and conditions**)

9. I am officially giving up on the famous 'everyone's favorite' new years resolution. I am not ""trying to be a better human being this year"". I think I am too old to change myself and too old to try and act on vices. And Yes! I love air-quoting * evil grin *!!!

10. And, last but not the least- I will try my level best to breach all communications with crazy people in my phone-book who expect me to call them every now and then to ask how they have been or to say 'awwwww I miss you so much'. I realized that if I am scared to call them after a month just because they will ask me why I haven't called before and eat my brains out- I better not call them EVER! I think I should be able to call my friends even after 6 months and pick up where we left off. If friendship is not unconditional and effortless it's not worth calling friendship. So I have offically given up on Non-friendships this year.

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That's all for now, hope to come back with better Nosolutions next year and beat the shit out of this year's top ten :D

A Treasure Chest Of Memories! Part Two..

When I wrote the first part of this I knew I had to go on to the second chapter. There are so many times in life when word limits hold you back and this time I'm not settling for it. These memories are intrinsic to my existence and the person that I am today, so I would try my best to put them in words. Right now these thoughts and visuals are just like a warm fuzzy feeling that's wrapped into the comforts of my 'happy place', and trying to put these in words would be by far the most difficult thing to do. Now, here goes my hundredth attempt to write this piece...

Today, I am attempting to write about a place where I grew up a child. This post is not about a person, but about a place that has given me so many wonderful memories. They say you never know what you had until you lose it, and that's exactly what happened to me. When we finally waved goodbye to our old almost empty house in North Calcutta, we knew that we were leaving behind a part of us in every corner of that house. The balcony where we spent so many evenings waiting for the ice-cream cart, the terrace where we spent our afternoons dressing up kittens, the small semi-terrace where we hid while playing hide and seek and the stairways where we jumped from just to create a small scene, and the stair-wells where we planned our childish master-plans.

When you grow up with a house full of kids your age and three floors to run and jump around you tend to have an unparalleled experience we call 'Childhood'. There is something special about the houses in North Calcutta- I will try to break it down for the layman- The houses are actually so close that you can jump from one roof top to another and that my friends is adventure at its best. I remember the time when we found a hidden roof at the back of the house which had no side-walls and we knew we would get into a lot of trouble if we attempted jumping on it from our roof, but we did it anyway. The pure fun and excitement of standing on a roof with no boundaries is ecstasy for ten year olds.

We had our signals too- when parents were fast asleep after lunch, we would wait for our signals to come out of our rooms and go cat hunting! We'd bring by any and every kitten we could find and play 'dress up the kittens' on the roof, and of course there was the much coveted 'lock and key' which till date remains my top favorite game to play!

The best part about the house was the fact that there were so many places a child can hide- playing hide and seek used to be our forte! Every time any of us would discover a new hiding place we'd be ecstatic, by the end of it we were pros at it!

Knowing that the generation after us will never get a chance to be raised in such an environment makes me realize the opportunity we had. The time we were truly kids, not trapped into an apartment playing board games or watching TV. We would go out and play and have fun- the house gave us our childhood-it gave us our freedom and let us behave as kids should behave; it gave us something to remember and smile about after 20 years!

When I still think about the afternoons spent with my cousins on the roof trying to figure out the best strategy to jump on to the next roof, or sneak upstairs to get a taste of Grandma's pickles, it brings back a smile on my face, and it will continue to be that way for the rest of my life.

The house means something to each of us, each part of this house brings back memories to each one- to my father, it brings back memories of his childhood escapades, to my mother it brings back memories of early married life, to my cousin sister- the balcony brings her back to finding the love of her life, where she stood waiting for him every night, to me and my first cousin it brings back random fights and weird dance moves on the big corridor- where we sang our non-sense and danced around irritating others while at it!

Letting it go was one of the hardest things to do for our family, moving on was harder. But now that every one is in different parts of the city/country/world- I am sure we all go back to that one common memory that will continue to bind us together for life!