To sum it all up

Unfamiliar, Warm, Made-up, Busy, Worldly, Artificial, Colors, Crabs, Sticky, Peaceful, Sky line, Rainy.

Day 6 : Eye of the tiger

My brother has this fascination with Rocky and there was a time when he'd play survivor on the loop (that's how he was preparing for board exams. I think). Anyway so the song has become the background music for my first 6 days in "Singaland". The survival began the day the SMRT top up machine sucked in my money while the Chinese lady behind me said "tch tch cannot". I never saw those 5 dollars back but I did beg random strangers to top up my card for me, got blocked out of the entry bars because of insufficient balance in my card and then decided to man up and try that money swallowing machine one more time. And Success!

I am taking over the public transport ninja crown from PG (who apparently championed the London tube), pfffft please. There's Maya in office who's from London and claims that the tube is a breeze when it comes to the SMRT.. purple, green, red, orange whoaaaa! Oh and did I mention that almost every MRT station will lead up to a frikking mall? How the hell am I supposed to go out in the streets when you lure me to shop every time I reach a place?!

Getting lost here is easy, you just have to ask someone the way to the place. They will misguide you with so much confidence and nod so much that you have to believe them. This is an extremely global community so you will find people from all parts of the world on the streets and they all think that they know the streets of Singapore so well, even though they've probably moved here last month. Plus they will be polite and even smile. Now you must follow their direction and go to the completely opposite direction.  One girl asked me to go straight for Moulmein road and all I could see straight was a tree and some bushes.

Also standing in line to get a cheeseburger for 30 mins is so not cool, just because the samurai burger is back in town. If you have waited on a similar line at the McD here you know what I mean. I appreciate the enthusiasm and all, but I wish people would react or rebel a little bit more, like back in Kolkata - chakkka jaam! How did I survive? I quit the line and had rosti with smoked chicken across the road.

The coffee machine threw up on my mug at first but then (survivor playing in the background of course) I read the instructions CAREFULLY, used the right combination of coffee pouch thingies (texture, flavor etc)
and nailed it! Bitch please, you are just a Nespresso machine and I, well I'm a survivor!

Also, for the record (even though I love you now nespresso) but you give me toooo many options. Do I want woody, floral or fruity, lightly roasted or decaf! Really now? do you want me to create my own unique coffee or should just go down to Starbucks! Ok don't hate me, I love you now.

All in all, I guess I've survived the first week and kick-assed for the most part of it, but I'm following the "Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river" rule.

Love it! hate it!

So I've reached Singapore, and goes without saying that I have been feasting on the local cuisine since Saturday. For a sea food lover, it doesn't get any better than this. But wait it does, an office with a view of the bay.. wait what! Oh yeah, the white sail boats do distract me a bit at work, but then that's a small price to pay for an arrangement like that. I conquered the public transport bit today, checked out all the green lines & red lines and what not and managed to reach office on time without getting lost at all. Cockiness aside, I'm loving the streets, the clean green effect, the sky high concrete and the food of course. To sum it all up, I am miserable really. All I want to do is head back to my apartment in Delhi, pull on the covers (eat Peppy tomato chips) and watch Bigg Boss with my boy at 9pm everyday. Reality check - this might have been a bad idea after all. No verdict yet, the love-hate continues. Maybe, I miss him more than I love this place.

#Homesickness#extremeblah#can'ttakesomuchclean.... Nooooooooo!

A blue flower

A blue flower he gave me once, to keep it safe, bright & warm.

Gentle & plain, infinite as love

It stays with me for times to come.

Withered... a petal or two I fix it with haste, secure it back up to it's former grace

This day it came with a scroll on thunder

It seems unreachable now, this destiny of ours

Why seemingly there on a spiral grey tower, within reach... it could be ours.

Together we climb, but alone I fall. Over and over until I stall.

This I tell him, we must preserve, save it now before it withers.

The blue is fading as I make this chase.

So I let it fall and shed a tear on his face.

It's time to part so we say goodbye but long to hold what can't be mine

A lucid dream, I take a breath and run towards my safest place

In my mind I see so clear

A blue flower, now on the spiral tower.

Unpacking a million times over...

Coherent love or not -

I've been trying to write this post for a while, but with each attempt I realized how hard it is to pen down these thoughts in a coherent manner. So finally, this attempt is gonna be somewhat of a collage of thoughts, random memories and unfinished sentences. It's important to express the love sometimes, even if it's not extremely coherent.

The treasures I dug out -

The love for this city has been growing. From a confused, aspiring 22 year old to a more calmer version of the wild child I used to be. I've loved this city to bits, every single day of my last 5 years.
From the very first day I knew I was meant to be here. New Delhi was my home. I never felt out of place, never felt like I didn't belong, and it was always comforting to come back to Delhi wherever I went. It's breathtaking this city really... it's beautiful, it's big & bold ... and green. From finding love, to making the best of friends, and finally understanding yourself....this city has been my confidante.

I'm packing my bags-

And now that it's time to say goodbye.. I don't know how. A big one on my life list might get crossed off and I knew this day would come. But so soon! Such little time I had, but it seems like I've been here forever. Every little memory etched into my mind. A house I turned into a home. Cooking for friends. Lone walks across citywalk, sitting on the pavement with coffee and smokes watching the strangers pass by with huge shopping bags. Chinese joints, Nizam's kathi rolls, late night movies and 2 am dhabas with egg maggi and chai.

The love of my life -

Leaving behind everything that shaped me into what I am today can never be easy. Leaving behind the person you love most, the people who stand strong with you through thick and thin, the comfort of the home you created sincerely one tiny detail at a time. It seems like a mammoth task right now. Should I pack my favorite blanket? I'm still pinning thoughts and struggling with the finer details. But one thing makes it easy.. knowing the fact that he is ready to follow me into this new journey. When I look back, he'll be right there with a suitcase and a smile. That's going to make this all better. Singapore has tough shoes to fill. This city is tough to beat, these people are are one of their kind. The love is unparalleled.

The mirror to my soul -

I don't where I'll be in the next ten years, and I don't really want to talk or think about it now, but I do know that wherever I am unpacking my suitcase...this city will always be my steamy love affair, my hot cuppa, my late night maggi and the mirror to my soul. I'm still looking for excuses to stay back, and unpacking a million times in my mind.

Madness wins

The unending complications of the human mind is a blessing in the guise of unnecessary evil. Or is it simply madness, and nothing else? It's hard to answer leading questions anyway, but to attempt something which is beyond my purview of basic understanding is not only impossible, but also foolish.

I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people. Well, technically I can't calculate the motion of heavenly bodies. Issac Newton can. And hence this quote of desperation comes from him. So imagine a mere mortal like me, (dragging my ass to a 9 - 5 job - who laughs at fart jokes and barely passed math in school), attempting to crack the code of this madness. The point I am trying to make is - nothing.

Don't get mad yet, there was no point. It was just an observation. I observed a lot of madness around me lately and attempted to crack the reality behind it (read: melodrama, self induced confusion, hula hoops of reality checks & going back to mind-numbing melodrama again). Not that I was just an innocent bystander. No sir. Last week, I've asked myself some pretty disturbingly dumb questions, lost sleep over it, wrote some nonsense posts which I thankfully didn't blog out loud and then questioned the moral integrity of people around me & people I loved most seemed nothing less than blood enemies.

Modern Family helped me get over a lot of it. I love that show, it's all about the madness in people - but the portrayal is so adorable that you end up feeling less fucked up about the madness inside and around you. Heck I wanna be adorably mad too. I wanna ransack someone's house to figure out if the bugger actually did return that T-shirt or not; Cam pulled it off and so can I.

So I am officially giving in to it. Madness I embrace you with open arms, let's be cute together!

Cheers!

P.S - official warning to the boy - I might start crying and laughing at the same time while sleep-eating. Keep it together.

Unfair choices

Choices are hard. Not that it was ever meant to be easy, but still there should be a benchmark to the extremities of choices no.. Like Vanilla vs. Chocolate ice cream is fine. I am even ok with picking sides sometimes maybe. But what is this horrible choice about health, love and work. It seems I can only chose one right now. The word of the day is unfair. Hard choices, come bring it on bitches! I'll choose the fuck out of you. But unfair choices?! come on, now that hurts.

This one's by mom...

For years, I've been telling my mom to start publishing her work online. My love is for the written word she'd say, not so much for the typed out version. Jokes apart, I made some serious attempts to make her post things online and needless to say the attempt was an epic fail. So, here's me.. taking things into my own hands and posting one of her recent works. For the Bengali poem lovers out there this one is surely a #moodlifteroftheday :)

    আমার জন্যে  তুমি ....

নীল পায়রা হও

চার্চ এর বাতি হও

সব কথা শুনব তোমার 

শরতের কাশফুল হলে -- 

আলোর বনে 

খুঁজবো  তোমায় 

শান্ত নদীর ডিঙ্গি নৌকা যদি --

ভেসে যাব অবেলায় 

ভোরের সানাই হও 

বাতাসের কানে 

সেতারের সুর হয়ে এসো 

            কোনো এক রাতে।

                                                                        -সহেলি  রায় 

The year that was and the conversation that almost never happened.

How have you been I asked myself. The year wasn't too shabby I guess. Well, not that you achieved much. I'm not much of an achiever, plus, I'd like to go with the flow please. 

When will you stop being such a unplanned disaster. Umm, I think the word you are looking for is happy-go-lucky noh? Not really, but since you are adamant on not taking yourself seriously, I'd say you have done a good job last year - also reminding you again, you are not getting any younger. Not even older and wiser I guess, but loving it nonetheless. I'll leave the cribbing to when I'm 30 & living with two cats & a bunch of birds. 

A couple of awesome trips, a swanky new apartment, great times with friends & family and someone to share my thoughts with. Last year was generous for sure. I aint feeling too bad about getting older now. So, I blew out some candles & made another wish. This was an extra special year for sure, and this birthday might have been extra special too for some reasons... whatever it may be,
I'm hoping for more drama & more crazies with one more extra candle to blow out, so don't let me down bugger.

Cheers.

Fleeting thoughts

"Within this restless, hurried, modern world
We took our hearts' full pleasure - You and I,
And now the white sails of our ship are furled,
And spent the lading of our argosy."

--Oscar Wilde

I left my heart in your paradise.

Never ending ways meandering into oblivious nothings,

When I looked you in the eye it was dark & you were bright.

The colors deeply embedded in my soul, and your radiant soul colored my eyes again.

The feeling of never coming back. Calling me out again. And again.

I left my heart in your paradise, keep it warm & I'll come back & claim it. When the time is right.

Break-time, food & friends.

Last two weeks have been nothing less than a train wreck. (Ok - I am not taking the mad drunk Friday into consideration, 'cos I don't remember that night too well).

All I remember doing was: working, coming back home, watching tv and sleeping like Rip Van Winkle whenever I got the chance. The long weekend that just went by gave me the chance, motivation kick-in-the-ass to get up and do something more constructive. And what's more constructive than making lovely 'ghar ka khaana'. I've been craving for some Kolkata food for some time and I decided to make some mutton curry. Well, roony played a huge role in this as well, 'cos she actually went out and bought a pressurecooker+mutton+beer (sheer awesomeness). Anyway, so I attempted a mutton rezala for the first time ever (I was missing a few ingredients). Turned out to be one of the best Saturdays ever! What more do you need when you have mutton rezala and beer stacked up in the fridge!

On another note, one of my oldest and bestest gal pals is coming over to Delhi tomorrow from bom bom bombay! We'll be heading to Rajasthan for 5 days of sheer indulgence, luxury and hopefully an awesome road trip. Batman & his best boy will be there too and I'm hoping this is going to be THE break i've been craving for the longest time. I've been a booking ninja & scoured through tons and tons of deal sites (there are far too many) to find the perfect place to stay. A pool was a must, a room with a view and economical YES. Done deal. Needless to say, my Precious will be traveling with me and taking some amazing shots of Rajasthan.

Here's to good times & good friends!

Cheers.

I want my food back.

I wish I had more shukto when I had the chance. More chingri & more posto. There was a time when I used to make faces at them, actually any form of home cooked food was a complete turn off. I remember thinking how awesome it would be if I could eat out every day. Have something new everyday, try a new restaurant every night. It's true, be careful what you wish for. Ergo, one day you will be sitting in a far away land, eating out every night and all you would crave for is home cooked daal-chawal. I don't know if its the distance from home (read homesick) or the fact that kolkata truly has the most amazing food/street food/cuisine EVER, or the law of diminishing utility - but there are times when I would give my left arm to eat proper laal shaak (red spinach) with some begun bhaja. I realize that this post is sounding borderline whiny now, but it's just one of those days when you realize the importance of what you had.. but you were too stuck up to acknowledge it.  Come back to me chingrimaacher malaikariiii... come back.

Fool's Gold: The perfect calculation.

Stuck in a whirlwind of calculations always. Simplicity went out for lunch and never came back. It's all about  these unbelievably complicated calculations nowadays. Working isn't enough, you have to work smart, suck up, pay extra attention to detail and cover up for stuff. Loving isn't enough, you have to prove it, spell it out, shower it even and when things get nasty you have to pick the pieces. Calculating, anticipating always - what's your next move champ? what are you gonna do. So this woman you see everyday in office is the biggest hotshot around, has a family: two kids and married to a "hotshot", has one of the most important profiles in the company and all this by 35. Calculating.... well that means she's completed her education on time, got an awesome job on time, calculated her jumps and shifted profiles at the right time, had the time to fall in love and get married plus have her first child before 30. Well, sounds almost too good to be true. But, calculations you see - that's the only way you will have answers. What if I am calculating at the pace of X and people around me are at the pace of 3X? What if all I need is to understand the pace, and I'm too caught up with instincts to get it in time. Every time. In my head, its like this you see - I think I'm not overly ambitious, but in reality I am. In totality, I am someone who is always behind, always held behind and always two steps away 'cos maybe I am too distracted, or maybe there are too many people I care about looking for other things out of me. Or maybe I am just looking for a kick-start and calculations will follow. The problem is, I've always sucked at math and I don't see a way my instincts will ever take a back seat. I will always say what's on my mind first before thinking it through, I will always generalize things and I will always be distracted & detached. It's like a vicious cycle now, stuck in a whirlwind of calculations always, yet always acting on instinct.

It rained!

Finally it rained. I was tired of my nexus predicting the Haze weather card every morning, and saying 35 mins to work. I'm loving it today, it actually rained. Not just some pitter patters bad excuse for a rain sorts, but 'full on' badass downpour. We were late to work (yay), driving slow and steady through the water and as I got out of the car (although it was right at the door sorts), still had a good excuse to get drenched a bit, trying to get my bags out of the back. Anyway, I'm happy, I obviously don't feel like working. I wanna head back home, make a hot cuppa and sit on the balcony with a book.

Sigh. 

Things we do to feed ourselves.

There are a couple of things I wanted to do this week, but it looks like it's going to be one of those whirlwind weeks where all I do is "drink coffee.work".
Which means I don't get to:
-write as much as I want to
-go shopping 'cos I really need more neon colored leggings.
-download the music of wasseypur (damn I should have done it sooner).
-go out drinking with PG (that sucks. I really need to bitch)
-watch movies till late night. I need to be up & ready to work by 9 in the morning. #khoonkeyasoon #whatTHEfuck

Bottom line? this week is going to suck more than the word suck itself. Rockbottom has hit a new low.
Imagine the bottom of a bottomless pit - that's how low it has hit.

More coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Man vs Wild.

I have a fridge full of mangoes. Slurp delicious amazingly awesome mangoes, calling out to me every day. I have chocolates & fudge ice-cream stacked up. Three frozen packs of chicken wings I was dying to cook last week, I even read up on innovative sauces to go with 'em. There is a watermelon that is waiting to get juiced with black salt and there is a pack of Afghani chicken that must be eaten today or it'll go bad. I have a brand new grill pan that's waiting to cook some tikkas.What's the point of saying all of this? Well, the point is I can't do shit. 'Cos I'm locked out of my kitchen in my own effing house. The only way I can access the kitchen is if I wear a body suit.

Now, I am trying to look for a body suit online, but Google is throwing up some kinky results, which are not an option. Anyway, coming back to the story..

It all started last week when I was cooking some nice chicken breasts in the kitchen. Batman's mom was visiting 'cos it was his B'day. I made some lunch and we all ate & slept off. After the nap I got up to make some juice & Batman's mom was making tea, when suddenly I saw this creature jump out from behind the stove and on to the floor right beside my foot. Needless to say, I almost passed out & screamed my lungs off while jumping on his mom at the same time. During my panic attack I didn't see where it went. All I wanted to do was go and hide in my room. Which I did. For the next 24 hours. It was a Rat. Yeah, a rat. That rat (and one more mate of his, a mouse it seems) have been hiding in under my gas for some time and eating chicken legs and shit. The horror.

Now the kitchen doors are permanently closed and all I do is stand out side and watch them eat stuff while sitting on the counter top. One night (last Thursday) I mustered up the courage to place some 'rat kill' on the kitchen counter and ran away. In the morning I found all bits and pieces of the rat kill gathered in one place. A MOCK Corner. It was almost like they were making fun of me. The super intelligent pair of rat-mouse have been ransacking the place ever since. We got glue traps as well, and guess what they did? Sat at the edge of the glue trap, looked at me (looking at him from outside the closed door) and picked up the biscuit from the edge carefully and went around it. MOCKING again!

This is serious shit. I've declared war. I am dying to eat daal-chawal cooked at home. I can't take chinese take-aways and pizzas anymore. I need my kitchen back. So listen up you fuckers, you sleep tight tonight - cos tomorrow Im going ninja ROONY & Batman are going ninja on your asses.

The Bucket List of a 20 something..

Every time I would read an inspiring Life-List by a fellow blogger, I'd get super excited and almost start creating one of my own; but it never saw the light of day. I'd been meaning to do this for a while, and after at least 5 unsuccessful attempts I'm giving it my 1st genuine shot. Lately, I've been feeling the need to push myself a little more, and inspire myself every day to do something better.

Maybe it's a quarterlife crisis or something like the fear of turning 30 in a couple of years, getting married, settling down and all that blah. But the deal is that amid the bustle of everyday life some new crisis is generated letting me involuntarily forget all about me. ME has taken a backseat, and it's time to outgrow that - So, here goes my lifelist.

My picture window & You!

The picture window is where I escape from. Climb out & get away. Not everyday can be a good day, but I have my ways to zone out when I need to. The blue board was staring empty at me, so I put a bunch of cut-outs on it, and now, see how happy it looks. Good news is, I'm not alone nowadays, you'll be there wherever I go. On a lazy summer afternoon,  I'll go scuba diving with you: On a remote pretty little island where the waters are shining with blue, sharp rays of the sun penetrate into the corals & we'll swim all around it with a bunch of yellow fishes. Just like in that picture I saw... The secret compartment of travel wishes are endless really. Spending a Christmas eve in Paris maybe. Someday. I'll look up at Petra & cry a little, wear my touristy hat & ride a camel with you by the side. You'd have a burnt look on your face, sweaty & irritated in the heat. You hate the desert sun I know, but you'll love the camel ride. We'll sit for hours at a corner cafe in Italy, listen to music & eat yummy muffins. The destinations will change, but the man beside me remains the same now. I've settled into this nest and I'm quietly comfortable in my own way. I know I get impossible sometimes, but bear with me for now; 'cos I wanna go places with you. 

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness...

Somethings don't make sense, but you hang on. Just 'cos you have to, you need to. A frail memory that makes you cry, makes you revengeful. A relationship that means more to you than to the other person maybe. A thought that makes you shudder and makes you wish you hadn't done it - but you did it anyway. Didn't you? You are addicted to all those childhood crushes that never made it to happily ever after. They do you no good, but you keep them with you. Somewhere. You are addicted to sadness. It never leaves you, doesn't cheat on you like happiness does.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

I'll never be tired of this one...

You lift me up on days like these. When everything is dark & I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel; your voice guides me through safely to the better side. The guitar running through my veins, the melody that I'll hum all day. You are my song of the day, you are my savior. This mini-jigsaw of intricate relationships hovering around me don't seem to provide any respite. Constant struggle. Constant demands. Constantly circling around me, relentlessly. So, when I close my eyes, lean back on my chair and surrender to music it's the best feeling in the world. Free falling, free falling.

Never try to reason with your parents. Just Run.

Yeah! it's true.
It's no use, and you know it. When you are old enough to earn money, travel the world, buy a house, pay a loan, drive a car, damage-bam-break the car, pay for fixing the car; you will still never be old enough for your parents. You will never know what's best for you. You are a moron when it comes to finding your own spouse and settle down in your own sweet time. No. You can't do all these things because because your parents were born to drive you to a frenzy till you marry the man/woman they've handpicked for you. You are either becoming too old and must get married, or you are too young to get married to your loverboy/girl. Don't try to reason with them, because that doesn't help. At All. They will be fire-breathing dragons sitting on your shoulders until you drop & give in.

The fact remains that they are your parents and you will love & respect them forever & miss them when they are not around, and so changing your phone number will not be an option for you. Reasoning with them won't help 'cos then you would be just blabbering some shit to yourself while they pretend to not hear you and keep screaming. You think you are being mature and trying to have a real conversation & bam they will hit you with a statement so immature that you would want to pull your eyes out of your sockets. So, whenever you are having this one sided conversation with them - just flee the scene. Run, like the wind I say.

Disclaimer - You will get beaten up the next day. Also, don't run away to another country - 'cos the big fat crybaby that you are - you will miss mom & mom's food sooner than later.

Beer is proof that God loves us.

Planning a party is the funnest thing you can do on a morose weekday. We've settled into this nice & cushy apartment with loads of space for throwing a madass party. Just the kinds you need to slap you back into unreality after a crazy work-filled week. So, we've planned a party this Friday (House warming sorts) and we plan to cause some serious damage (not to the house though). A carefully executed list later, me & Roony decided on the essentials & party supplies along with the puke buckets we need for the balcony. No one, and I mean NO one is allowed to puke all over the bathroom floor. There'll be good food, awesome music & of course the booze.

My cubicle seems dull today, I'm in no mood to work. My thoughts are mostly circling around party games, Beer games, Beer chugs, fried food & what playlist to download. Needless to say, I haven't gotten any real work done till now. Which is ok I think, given the fact this week has been Godzilla crazy & tomorrow is Friday. There is no such 'tough-work-sucks' week that cant be erased from your memory with a little bit of beer I say.

So, Chug Chug & away!

Decor weekend!

A couple of hectic weekends later, finally we had a breather. There's nothing like a lazy Saturday at home, so Roony and I utilized it to the fullest. Batman was out visiting his folks - so the two ladies at home got to work. But first, some beer to start the day was mandatory!

A washing machine, a couple of ceramic pots, curtains and collectibles later we finally added the" attention to detail" element which our brand new apartment craved for days. I'll let the pictures do the talking now. Mostly.
                           
                       
The exquisite lights were a gift from Dad, when he came visiting this time. <3

These decals were a gift to Roony for her b'day and we put 'em to some good use!

.... And then there's me room, we bought some nice covers & a bright new picture for the wall to match!






























Waiting for the next weekend now - kitchen & Batman's room need major make-over! Also, there's the DIY that I need to finish off!

E-shoppaholic!

To drown out the mid-week crisis I shopped. A lot. Last two days I've been shopping like crazy! Damn you e-commerce. On a bored, life-less, dull & disappointing day: e-commerce is to me what a tub of creamy chocolate ice cream  is to heartbroken girl. Pure bliss & unadulterated indulgence.
The highlight of this week's shoppathon are the exquisite little pieces of of junk J I bagged. One of my favorites..  :)

This one's from here - a site I have started loving, especially the junk J and the dresses!















What blindsided me was the impulse to buy a matching little black dress that goes with this pretty little thing! Oh, and did I mention that I am almost broke now. Mental note - must transfer leftover money to mom before the little black dress kung fu's me over! Ok, no more shopping this month. Which is kind of a bad resolution to follow through when you work for an E-commerce website! Intervention is required people. Divine one at that!

Cheers,
Reformed Shoppaholic!

Oh God, it's mid-week!

Yeah! this kind of sums it up!

Historically I've seen some bad Wednesdays. It's the grand-daddy of all bad weekdays for me. Makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere. Ok, this gif is distracting me now, and not letting me write what I want to write, I wish there was a way to stop this. I desperately need some good music, some nice pins on my board and some generic gossip to cheer me up. On days like these, I contemplate. I think a lot and get nothing done. Then I harass some of my girlfriends and drive them to a frenzy by discussing closely related life issues that they didn't wanna think about. I judge my life top to toe and perform imaginary inspections & makeovers that almost never follow through.

Ok enough rambling. Suggest some good music to keep me occupied and out of trouble.

Weekend break = super sunburns & dehydration

So we took on the badass rapids this weekend and came out victorious. Battle scars are obviously there.. bruised knee & scratches on skin, along with a tan (sorry burn) that is refusing to go away.

This was my first trip to Rishikesh and I have to admit that I was a little freaked out by the idea of rafting through the gigantic rapids. But I fell in love with the water as soon as I fell into it! After a trial run & screaming my lungs out "My life jacket isn't working" I gave in. Batman obviously fell in the water right at the mouth of a rapid called double trouble, got scolded by the instructor and got laughed at. We floated around for a while, made human chains in the water, had maggi in the pouring rain on top of the rocks & smoked half wet cigarettes. Life is good!

Even though I am extremely dehydrated, burnt & bruised I'd do it all over again! If you didn't have a fun enough weekend - here's something fun to cheer you up...

A Little D.I.Y and I love you with all my vestigial organs...

I've been writing a lot less lately. No shit. In between shifting houses, changing jobs, weekend trips and keeping up with my otherwise crazy life, writing has taken a back seat. In true bong style, I'll say 'MUST rectify'.

So Im planning this cool DIY at home (all my friends who are reading this know that I am that lazy person who doesn't get up to switch off the AC even if I am frozen to death). Anyhoo, I take their rolling eyes to my stride and move on. Yes, I have narrowed down on a project which seems fun and do-able. Imma gonna call it the tree of love. The plan is to get a sexy decal for my bedroom wall: some thing like the ones you get on Gloob.in (see below)

And then, get some of those nice hangy wall frame thingys. I'm still looking for the perfect ones. (If you find them send 'em my way)

                                                          you can check out others here

The plan is to put up pictures of my 'Love moments' and try to create an illusion of them hanging from the branch. I looked around the World Wide Web which I oh so luurrve and found an exact match with what I am thinking! So cool no! I have some brillianto pichas with my favorite girlfriends, my fatso bitch of a brother and some travel snaps that I must arrange & hang on these branches. I would have started this weekend but I am going on another weekend trip (to hrishikesh) with the mad gang, so this will get pushed to next weekend. Nevertheless, this project has success written all over it!

Another awesome thing happened btw! I found this funny as hell comic strip sorta blog - reposting strips from there. This one is out to Batman who had his vestigial organ removed recently. I love you with all my vestigial organs too! ;)

On the Bright Side...

There is always something better.

A small window somewhere through which you push your worries out.
Somewhere they are baking delicious cupcakes.
Your mom found your old pictures and tucked them away safely.
A shiny new pair of earrings arrived at a shop near you. Just for you.
The freak expensive dress that you loved went on sale.
No one turned down your ideas today.
Some one thought of you and smiled or maybe laughed at your silliness.

#OnTheBrightSide you are alive and kicking, if that's not something you care about then I'd better stop listing things out.

Dear Life...

How can you be so volatile?
Why do you create support structures and break them one at a time?
How are you creating so much hostility out of every positive action?
Why are your wants never-ending?

Let's break up for a while, I don't think this is working out for now.

Goodbye old lover!

As I sit with the last cup of free coffee in my hand.. I ponder, will life be easy now? I would have to buy coffee it seems. That can't be good right? But I chose this. I did.

The last couple of weeks have been hectic. Having to make choices can be draining. Very tiring too. When I chose to leave my first love Google and enter into the big bad world of corporate shit, I had choices lying all over the place crying out pick me, pick me!! But I had to think straight. Money. Huge deal it is. Profile. An even bigger deal. When finally I decided to pick up my stuff (read junk on my desk) I couldn't help but wonder, did I do well?

I hope this turns out to be the best decision of my life.

For now, I'm moving on. Goodbye old lover, we've had some good years!

We did good. I think we did good.

In Utopia...

Radio stations will play back to back music all day without any idiotic commercials and RJ chit chats.

Cigarettes will help reduce cancer threat

Fried food will be recommended to jaundice patients for speedy recovery.

Living together will become an accepted form of commitment by Indian society.

Men in Gurgaon will be gang-raped by spoilt rich women carrying huge dildos (just for fun)!

Medical insurances will give 100% coverages. For Real. And not suck the life out of patients with hidden terms & conditions.

Middle Class working professionals will retire at the age of 35, and spend the rest of their lives enjoying their well earned money.

Also. There will be no mosquitos. And, pigeons will stop shitting on your heads.

When burning questions in life become funny ... It's time to run!

It feels like I am about to crash-land into some weird island in the middle of nowhere. I don't have any more fuel left on my jet-pack, so I must land now and from up here it looks more or less barren. Landing on an island seems better than landing in salty water. I want some thrill in life - and not the kind I am experiencing by crash-landing on an island. The kind that leaves you over-whelmed with surprise, love and anxiety all at the same time. Like when you hear your best friend is getting married, or your brother is about become a millionaire, or the first kiss. That is the kind of excitement I am looking for.


To be continued...

What Am I thinking?!

Due to lack of time, I am attempting a hurried post. More so because I need to word vomit all of it out. Yes there are burning questions, awkward moments which I wish hadn't happened, too much information I gave to someone (& repenting that now) and other such seemingly inconspicuous activities which led to life changing (ok maybe not life changing but quite big) turn of events.

We are working too much, forgetting ourselves and what we mean to each other. In a desperate attempt to hang on, we are devising forceful strategies to simply stick it out. Are we growing older? or simply getting tired with life? I recently caught up with one of my favorite girlfriends in Mumbai this week. Even though I was on a tight schedule and we only had a couple of hours to chill, it was probably the single best thing I had done in weeks. Why am I not doing more of these things, I ask myself! No answer though.

Recently I have started blurting out things while I am about to go to sleep. Since I get to spend less than 2 hours with my man every day - I always think of things to say at the wrong time. Like when we are about to sleep, he is already sleeping or has his headphones on. I realized I was kind of talking to myself probably. He is half asleep and obviously not listening to my burning issues, but yeah what the hell! Some times this goes against me - I say something highly inappropriate and then he jolts out of his sleep and stares at me. I wish I hadn't said that moment #410. Btw the epic masterpiece & the grandfather of awkward moment happened yesterday night and I am not too happy with it.

I miss being young and carefree. Ok who doesn't. But this overwhelming feeling of having to sort out my life and take all big risks right about now is driving me to the edge. This constant need to prove myself and all that I stand for is probably the most important thing I am thinking all day long. It's always on. Question is when will this end? Is this a quarter-life crisis?! PG pointed out that I tend to get more depressing on weekends when I should be chilling rather than cribbing. I realize now, it's because I am less pre-occupied with work and 'brain capacity' for taking more bucket loads of tension increases. Hence the Sunday cribbathon!

Oh and did I tell you that I have developed a migraine thanks to all this!!!

Somewhere between trying to maintain work-life balance, client meetings, house hunting, relationship drama and the whole 'must.prove.myself' I increasingly find myself in a situation where I want some closure. When where and how!

This was meant to be a much smaller post - * Sigh *

Inspirational!

                                                Photo- credit - http://www.flickr.com/photos/lunchbreath/4973434552/lightbox/

3 BHK and a big white wall to hang my pictures!

I am looking for a house. It's been a long time that I've lived like a nomad with a spare room full of clothes and a living room that looks like I just shifted (for the last 4 years). Living alone has it's downsides too right! I just need my kitchen clean - that's my mantra! I cook, and fairly enjoy cooking - so my concern area doesn't leave the kitchen. As long as the floors of the house are clean and dust free, I consider the house live-able. Anyhoo, the point now is - I have two eager friends looking for a nice place to stay and I wouldn't mind living with them at all. One is an excellent (self proclaimed) interior decorator (well kind of) and cleanliness freak (so wooo hoo for me) and the other one is lazy and ... well, lets not go there. But together, the three of us might do okay!

So, I am out house hunting again - and looking for an awesome place with a awesomely low rent. I have a lot of conditions and this is definitely not making the process easier. It has to have a decent car parking, with a good construction, a nice big balcony, biiiiiig rooms, oh! and a huge-ish kitchen (modular would do just fine), a walk in closet would be nice too, has to be in and near a mall - so South Delhi it is, and a park in front of the building. The one thing that I want though, is a nice big white wall - where I can hang all my pictures. The rest I think Roony can handle.. she'll go psycho on the house once we move in and Batman will be just sitting there on the couch driving us mad.

Wish me luck - Imma gonna get myself a shiny new place bitches!

Who'se the Fairest of 'em all!?

Wise men say, only fools rush in. That's what I think about the Fairness industry in India right now. My line of work requires doing some amount of research online and keeping an eye open for newer/brighter ad campaigns on TV. Although my first love remains 'The Internet" - I do spend a moderate amount of time watching television. So, when I switched on the TV last Friday night, I was reminded at least 10 times that my underarms may not be as fair as that of Anushka Sharma! Yes, now that the FMCG companies have a say about my under-arm complexion I have no other choice but to contemplate the option of either buying an under-arm whitening thingy (deo/creme shit) or never wear sleeve-less clothing ever again. As per the ad campaign, I am supposed to 'go sleeveless on him'. I looked at Batman, sitting next to me frowning at the ad... and couldn't help thinking - is he is watching this commercial and judging my arm-pits! (Please God no).

I am thinking aloud here, so please help me understand one thing. I understand the importance of keeping your face clean/blemish free/acne free and glowing even (glowing complexion is still fine I believe since it's somewhat realistic) - but what I fail to understand is fairness. How long will we keep chasing fairness?  like a dog chasing his tail? It's clear to me somewhat, now that the fairness creams have established the idea of the 'fairer the better' but see, it's not restricted to the face anymore. It's reached arm-pits and God knows to what lengths they'll go next. Knees, elbows & **** (I'm telling you doomsday is near).

I wanna be a dark skinned girl now. I think I'd stand a better chance. For sure. At least I wouldn't have to ridiculously worry about: what if I my arms complexion doesn't match my face ( no I don't use a fairness meter yet). The obsession with fairness has reached new zeniths of atrocity I believe, now that we have under-arm fairness nudging it's way into the consumer's (forced) wish-list.  And, the brain wash continues.... just like they convinced us that we are too fat, too skinny, too short, too everything ...

I pledge to remain mediocre. I am fine with uneven skin fairness and I admit, maybe my hotness quotient will probably suffer going forward due to the lack of brighter under-arms.

But I can live with that.

Thought of the day: Fairness creme massacre- Pumping out tubes of 'em in rampage on the wall while shouting out 'go to hell',  might help you cheer up - 'cos applying them sure won't.

Treasure chest of memories Part III

The small puddle of memory that I splashed around today was primarily the one about my happy place. Probably because I’ve been having a very bad day and I had to escape into that zone where I can comfortably cocoon up. I read this interview of JK Rowling, where she said that magic would always remain a prominent part of our growing up and also of our adult lives. There is no connect with religion here, and it’s not about religion at all. It’s about having some kind of power that helps you be in control of a situation. That’s something we rarely get right? When do we ever have any kind of power to change something that’s going haywire? Magic lets you do things that put you back on the leader-board. So, I wander into that rabbit hole of memory where I am in power. There was this old trunk in the attic inside my aunt’s workshop, which always intrigued me. Never knew what was in there but I liked making up stories about it. I would dress up in my mom’s cotton saree that smelled like jasmine (thanks to the odd amount of starch she used to put in them) and then put on some lipstick, wear some of her fake jewelry and then go up to the roof. I’d then pretend to be the owner of this magic shop where I can conjure magical things that would come out that rusty old trunk and sell them off to my imaginary shoppers. They would come pouring in, one after the other looking for odd things like the horse-hoof lake, the needle through which you can spin of threads of golden fleece and the owl’s feather which helps put people go off to sleep whenever they want to. In exchange I’d take kittens from them, or pickles or ice cream on stick – mainly because I was forbidden to touch these items otherwise. Coming back to the magic trunk – the rusty dusty one was kept in that room for a long time, sometimes covered with cloth, sometimes with things my aunt would make like rugs or tapestry or curtains. I never got to know what was inside but I bet there were things that were wonderful and kind of magical. The summer afternoons were well spent I think, in bargaining with my customers and reviving the barter system: and sometimes they gave me an extra something if they were happy with the products I offered them.  Some day when I own a house of my own, I’ll keep a trunk just like that (not so dirty though) and right by the foot of my bed. I have a feeling I’ll dream of calmer things if I had my happy place right inside my room.

This feeling I almost can't describe...

Insipid, yet volatile.

As I ransacked the place with my eyes & mind

Droplets of memories trickled down me

Insipid, yet volatile 

This place now I can describe

This feeling now, I can accept.

Insipid, yet volatile.

I opened the door finally ...

Only to disappoint myself, and then to smile at my own juvenile attempt.

Nope : can't see what I am looking for, but can't wait either.

Letting it all out....& Moving on.

I've been trying to write for a long time now, but haven't been able to. Words fall short at times when you know that whatever is happening around you is far more bigger and complex than you ever thought it could be. I've had a rough last week no doubt, but there are some people for whom the last week has been   life changing. And, no, not in a positive way.

I've seen the two most strongest people I know break down and cry. The two people who were positive, headstrong and hellbent on getting things better. When someone close to you is suffering, you want to do everything in your capacity and even beyond that to help that person. And sometimes, when you know that nothing can be done: you give in to fate. But, not these two. For months I've seen them fighting for her, praying for her and taking care of her. That someone who is probably one of the most talented, creative and magnetic people who we have come to know in our short lives. My grandfather used to say, that God needs good people to be around Him all the time, which is why He calls upon those first who are the most wonderful people. It's unfair to us though, when someone so young, energetic, so full of life, leaves us behind, but maybe God needs them more than we do. Although they leave us behind, and while they might not be with us in body - but in love and spirit they always remain with us. No one can take away those years of love, and cherished moments.

I've been trying to keep my mind off a lot of things for the past week. Batman will be leaving office soon and yes I am trying to be as supportive as I can be. It's for the good no doubt and opens a whole new world of opportunities for him where I am more than certain he will shine. He's going to a great company at a really nice profile plus pay, which is great; but at the same time I am getting these butterflies in my stomach (not the nice ones) everytime I think he wont be around in office anymore everytime I feel the urge to rant or crib or just simply walk up to his desk and smile. The smoke breaks won't be the same for sure without our usual suspects. PG is already working in the next building and lets face it PG planning a smoke break after lunch at 9 am in the morning isn't really fun, and definitely not as exciting as dragging someone off their desk to tell them something which just cannot wait. So, yeah.. it's just gonna be V & R around now- and thank God for that, otherwise I would have lost my sanity. I'm still keeping it very cool in front of Batman so that he doesnt melt down at the last moment and start hugging his laptop and running around the office TT table. I'm telling myself - this change is probably for the best and yes, no doubt the next turn is full of surprises but I am counting on all good ones.

On another note - there is some thing that I wish I could say to someone I know. I have been listening to her for some time now, and trying to reason and reflect and at least identify with her problems... but it just seems so unrealistically foolish that I am not able to grope with it. It could be a simple case of utter chaos & confusion mixed with some extra dosage of destructive love - but still not justified enough. Think about it this way - If he loves you, he'll let you be, he'll let you be happy. If you think you will be happy with him in the long run then maybe you would not be talking about the smaller issues all the time.. it's always the smaller issues that snowball into the atom bomb as the years pass by. And finally, if he hits you - it's over. You just call it quits. If you are a self-respecting woman who has some sense, and any love left for yourself as a person, as a daughter, as a sister or simply as YOU - there is no way you can let him disrespect you. Whatever the reason is. Everytime a disaster happens in your relationship and you end up in a volcanic fight - ask yourself, is the person bigger than the fight? If the answer is no - then it's not worth it sweetheart. Move on and get a reality check.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is - life throws these hurdles in our faces and bashes us up - but we gotta pick up and move on. That's all for now. Will be back soon with more mid-week crisis stories 'cos I am sure a couple are boiling for me right across the corner.

A Boundless Moment

"We stood a moment so in a strange world,
Myself as one his own pretense deceives;
And then I said the truth (and we moved on).
A young beech clinging to its last year's leaves."

                                                                 -- Robert Frost.

2012 Drool list!

So, the year is off to a cruel cold start, and I'm in the turtle mode as of now. I'm cooking only once in two weeks or so, and that too concentrating only on desserts and stuff, I'm washing my hair less regularly and coming to work like a polar bear with 6 layers of clothing. I'm highly unpleasant and cranky most mornings and a crybaby on most nights. So, now that I have established the unpleasantness of the situation, I am attempting to cheer myself up by thinking about the good things that are about to happen this year.


Numero Uno - The winters are about to end. SOON. * would do a double jump and cartwheel if I could*


The rest of the awesomeness that's about to follow -


"The Dark Knight Rises" - the one that we have been anticipating for the longest time is going to release this year (fingers crossed) and it's gonna be soooo good.


Among other things, I now own a Galaxy nexus phone, courtesy office holiday gift, which kicks ass! Ice cream sandwhich is bringing in a lot of happiness and is slowing down work for me thanks to a hundred million games that I downloaded. Can't emphasize this enough but I love Google. Yeah! I own three smartphones now :P


Another thing which is buzzworthy and is causing a rumors in bucket-loads, this year is  (if at all launched) - Canon EDS 5D Mark III -- "Canon has confirmed that it is working on a brand new full-frame DSLR." This will be brilliant no doubt.


Mini-coooooooopers! I can't wait to spot them on the roads soon and wave like a maniac and throw a bunch of flying kisses at them. 


So, yeah.. hopefully I'll find more good things to watch out for and keep myself entertained and less grouchy through the year.


Cheers!