Breather!

So many times I blame myself of putting myself out of ideas. I think I take my ideas for granted most of the time and then regret not acting on them later. It's a manic madness and a vicious cycle, yes I agree!

So, now i'm putting a blanket rule for all the ideas in my mind (yes! even the stupid ones). The Rule is that from now on, I give each of my brainchilds at least one chance. No matter how big or how insignificant they may be, they all deserve care and need to be nurtured.

And how exactly am I going to achieve this? Well, given that I get only about *this much* free time every day, I am thinking of scalable ways to literally "hold on to that thought".

I am going to take a 10 mins breather every day, YES! everyday, when I sit and just do nothing. I wont check my emails, nor think of smart status updates, nor will I chit-chat with friends. I will give myself just 10 mins everyday, to rejuvenate my brain-cells. Once I am able to reach that calm state, I might be able to better document my ideas and act impressively upon them.

Not a bad idea for a New Years Resolution eh?!! What say!! :D :D

Un-Chained!

This innate urge to break out of bonds will lead me to the path of no return someday. The classic example of head vs heart displayed its true colors on a Sunday morning as I lay awake in bed thinking of anything and everything. How much of *terms and conditions* can I take in life? Even if they lead towards a path of the much glorified comfy life- the question is: how much of that life do I crave?

What if you are not that one amongst the millions of comfort seekers who are conditioned to seek and desire the comfortable life. What if you are a loner, what if you are plain selfish?! With my bucket list staring me in the face- i have no resolve to put it in the back-burner anymore. After all, we do have only one life and only one chance. The desire to break free is so overwhelming that it engulfs every moment of my chained existance. Everything seems like a sign, every sign seems like my very own moment of glory!

Maybe it's time to be selfish, maybe its time to put on some shabby clothes and fade away into the place to where I belong the most!

The Bucket List!

So many times I have randomly messaged you, telling you what a waste I am!

So many times, I haven't -and quietly announced, Yes I am!

Running short of time, running short of life..

Quickly scanning my head, and running short of a plan!

Where my heart takes me, I dare not go alone.

"Long sand dunes", "where it all started", "myths of mysteries" and so many more.

Let me pull up a map and find, close my eyes and point to all of those!

My bucket list is ready and so am I!

My bucket list is ready & now it's time to fly!

Romancing the Confusion!

Confusion, Confusion, where art thou?

I'm standing on my fragile, ashen balcony on a listless moonlit night.

Come save me from this flawless marble palace!

I fancy a thunderstorm tonight!

---------

Everybody is upto something, what am I upto?

The statement inspired me to think beyond the crisp lines of the simple life, and wonder - how are our lives without the occassional ripples of 'un-announced' chaos?.. Dreadfully drab - isn't it?

We crave so much, the dubious 'un-wantedness' of the moment of utter confusion. Sounds like a paradox? Why yes it is!!

Well, what are we- without the sweet confusion? Leading simple robotic lives, walking in and out of everyday chores; succumbing to the peaceful perfection of our daily routine; finding happiness in trivialities of discount shopping and occassional gossip! I have only one word to describe it - 'uneventful'.

It may be difficult to admit our secret desire for the forbidden dark Romeo, but we all know that chaos and disruptions only make us stronger. The centrifugal pull of the 'dark-hole'ish sinister that makes you bend all rules, and jump in blind-folded just to domesticate the gigantic turmoil-- finally acknowledges the strength of your spirit.

The adrenaline rush that engulfs you, and drags you to the point of no return- finally salutes your victory! The Sly Prince of dark drama calls you towards a rocky trail of complexity, which finally quenches your thirst of adventure & your sense of triumph!

We longed for this drama, we longed for this confusion! ---The more the hurdles, the better we establish; as the challenges get higher- our satisfaction reaches it's zenith. We are all waiting to fall into the trap over and over again, just to be rescued again from our mundane existence!

It gives us purpose to Strive, it gives us a direction again--it adds just the right amount of spice & pulls on all the right strings.... Preparing us to tackle the next level of chaos! The next level of romance...

A Treasure Chest Of Memories!

Part of us today is only a reflection of our past. Behind every developed adult personality are influences of certain individuals who have fundamentally added to our principles and values, and in the process, have added an immortal chapter to our lives.

This post is a tribute to one of such intrinsic chapters of my life- that make me what I am today. This post is about my grandfather. He taught me to be compassionate, he taught me to be persistent towards my goals. He taught me to be strong, and over the years he taught me to rely on myself.

When it comes to him, my recollections are as vivid today, as it was 20 years back. It might sound surprising, but when you are able to reminisce something with so much clarity- you should know, this is the phase of your life, when you were impressionable- and when you could retain thoughts and ideas with passion and without stale judgment.

My memories of him circle around his memories. He effortlessly passed on his childhood memories to me, and I made them my very own. Stunning visuals and extravagant imagery of Pre-independence India- - the majestic villa with acres of land spreading as far as your eyes take you, the courtyard, the roses, lilies & ponds full of lotuses. He spoke of the long balconies which stretched on and on--overlooking 50 odd rooms; the huge bell that rang during lunch and dinner to alert the inhabitants. The grandeur of it all amazes me still. I laughed at the thought of him playing badminton with huge roses- he said, ‘what to do, we’d lose all the shuttles, but we had abundance of roses around. And they were big & heavy enough to play with’. Every time I picture it, I still can’t help but laugh!

...And then there were the stories of the ghosts & ghouls, which I used to eagerly wait for. On cozy winter evenings when I would quickly get inside the warm quilts, he’d tell me these queer tales of village spirits and wandering souls, who couldn’t emancipate from their worldly desires. His memories took me en route to lively melas, where he would sneak off to with his friends, the huge bullock carts he hitch-hiked on and his little boyish adventures. Whenever, he told me these stories, we travelled to these places together, and I could see everything as clearly as he remembered them- we build a connection, an emotion stronger than love and deeper than friendship.

When I think of him now, when I close my eyes to visualize.. I am taken back to some very specific scenes. The time-travel takes me back to a winter morning when I wake up and see him sitting outside, it’s warm & sunny. He has a shaving kit & a small mirror in front of him, still contemplating whether to start or not. Then I quickly time travel to a cool & windy evening, when I am walking along the road with him… just out on an evening stroll, nodding away to neighbors and familiar faces on the road; we stop at this small shop and there is a smile on his face. He says we’ll get the best cutlets here, and I have been waiting to taste them forever.

Today, I carry him with me, in my thoughts, in my beliefs- and in a place in my heart where I keep all my fondest & most precious memories; in a place from where I accumulate all my hope, a place of strength- A Place of Love!

Ink-ed!

Tattoos are as primitive as the origin of society itself. We find examples of body art in every society, in every part of the world. From Tribal to Mayan to Celtic to Modern Abstract, tattoos have : been there and done that!

But, the two questions which every individual with a tattoo has to hear today are: 1)why did you get it? & 2) Did it hurt? For every variation of design you can think of, there is a new variation of these two questions. So, today I am undertaking the mammoth task of answering these two questions on the behalf of all those who got inked (for a reason i hope).

The answer to the second question is as plain and visible as the nose on your face! YES, it hurts, Of Course it hurts, and to make it sound more colorful, I'd say- Hey.. no pain, no gain amigos! ;)

Now for the tricky part. The answer to the first question is wrapped in layers of multi-variants which differ from person to person based on past experience to sheer non-sense. For the benefit of the layman, i'd break it up into three categories of why someone gets a tattoo.

Numero Uno: PRESERVE- To capture a moment. To relive an experience, to make it immortal. I think there is a part of us which craves constance! When we find something that gives us absolute joy or peace of mind, we want to capture it or preserve it. Remember the time when you went on an amazing vacation and had the best time of your life. What did you do to capture it? you clicked pictures maybe! Just like that-- Think of getting a tattoo as clicking a picture. Im serious here! When an idea or a thought or a feeling inspires you or sticks to you, you feel like not only embracing it with all your heart, but to go all out and display it. So, when you see a tattoo which has a meaning attached to it, remember that it symbolizes someone's passion, love or a precious moment!

Numero Dos: FASHION screams! Tattoos have enjoyed a certain status in the world of Fashion for many many years now. It doesn't fade & never goes outta style. If you see a tattoo with a great design, then trust me: it's all about the design! It's about getting that one perfect design that's unique, stylish and one you can wear with pride! and mind you.. it's no matter of ridicule, the person has invested many hours into planning & picking up that one perfect design that feels just right! This category of 'Inked' will get a tattoo for the sake of creativity and work of art!

Numero Tres: Join the Herd- not only is tattoo a fashion symbol, its also something which symbolizes someone who can endure a certain amount of pain to get what they set their heart on. So, getting a tattoo might also mean getting categorized to some. There are some people out there who get a tattoo just for the heck of it or just to look cool to their friends, just to fit in probably. Trying not to sound judgmental here I would say there is NO reason for them to get a tattoo, so they are probably not an audience to your question.

So, there you have it! I have tried my level best to answer the TOP RATED questions, that I am sure everyone has asked to a person with a tattoo. So, guys, next time you see someone with a tattoo.. think before you ask ;D

Office Office

Empty Mind, Full head.
Staring away into cluttered Space..
Doing this, doing that
Machine's work, human heart.
Deadlines, reports.. what's in that?
Where's my mind?
Where's the time?
Re-claim my life? ... I'll think about that!

Only Time!

Time not only heals, it also breaks. Time has no middle path, its always an extremist's choice. Given an option you would not rely on time, its only when you are left with no alternatives that you give up and wave your white flag, and let time take over.

If you can control a situation in the present continuous tense, you would right? you wouldn't depend on a future action to wave its magic wand, and mind you, even the magic wand can't take you back to past perfect!

I have wondered many times, why people give themselves so much time, why do they keep quiet for so long as to create walls between those they love? Why do they let Time come between friendship? I conclude today, that their priorities might have changed by then. They lacked the strength to fight for it and they simply didn't want to lose their precious 'time' over it. Those who defend the concept of 'time-out' by saying that things seems insignificant to fight over after considerable time has passed- I have a question for you- how will you make up for all the time you lost? Wasn't it better to just say it out loud? And can you really go back to where you where after a gap of months, and a gap of grief & hurt? You can't right? Whatever you do, and however insignificant the matter of discontent was, it will come around to haunt you because you didn't fight it out when it all started. Instead you relied on time to heal all!

I am yet to experience a time that heals everything and puts you back where you started. Or maybe i'm just selfish or rigidly conventional when it comes to solving problems. I want to take action right now! If I dont, then that means I am not really rooting for this relationship to move forward. Friendship really can't be forced, either you are friends with someone or you are not! It really is the only relationship that you can choose for yourself. You pick out your friends from a large crowd of people around you, and you strive to grow together, help each other and protect each other. If you are not doing any of this, then you are not really interested in this friendship! Then what are you doing here? Don't tell me you were giving yourself time!!!!

You always have a choice! It may not be the best choice, or the right choice or the most conscientious one... But the fact is you do have a choice! And you chose to keep quiet for months! And that says it all to me... you surrendered to Time, you let it come in and ruin years of building blocks- like waves of an ocean- crashing into sand castles, once built with so much pride. You thought it might heal, and you thought it might spoil-- but you still took that risk! And You made that choice!

Time heals for sure- but only the past! It only breaks the present and changes the future!

What keeps me going on a Monday!

"I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night. "

-------------------------------------------------Robert Frost.

The Art of Conversation: Truth or Dare!

What happened to the simple idea of a meaningful conversation? Is it really extinct?
Sometimes I wonder, just how many factors should I keep in mind before I jump into a conversation with someone. Someone at work told me that he is skeptical of approaching women at work feeling that they might get the wrong idea! I definitely laughed out loud and told him that he was thinking way too much, but then I wondered.. can we rule out ulterior motives? The question is not why people think that everyone wants something out of a relationship; the question is why have people lost faith in each other!

My idea is simple- to have a meaningful conversation with someone, you don't need to play Truth or dare! Any meaningful conversation should be a reflection of yourself, whatever idea you are projecting from your own mind should touch the other person with the same intensity as it touches you. It should have similar impact or side-effects that you may experience yourself. If this is not happening, then maybe, you need to reconsider who you are having this discussion with.

The word trust brings so much ambiguity with itself that it is almost impossible to affix a real meaning to it. It's a dynamic variable at this time! The single idea of trust has been manipulated, maneuvered and twisted so many times, that it can now be described as fool's gold.

Why did it have to be complicated? If men and women were not vicious creatures, feeding off one another's social energy, status, reputation and their deepest secrets.. then maybe, just maybe, the concept of trust would have been a runaway-success.

I think William Shakespear summarized it for us- "Love all, trust a few!" I still have faith in the power of a good discussion, it can heal you, make you stronger or even give you closure in the times you need it the most. If only we can manage to keep it simple, and heartfelt!

Blurred around the Edges!

Sometimes I forget where I came from,
Not so long ago, not so far away..
Yes, I think for too long,
Nothing too dull, nothing too great.

It seems I had a purpose,
Now that's blurring around the edges.
All I am left with is a glaring hole-
That tends to burn, and scar too many places.

How much can we survive?
how much can we change?
how much can we scarfice finally to get our own ways?

Sometimes I forget where I came from
What did I achieve to date?
Too much too little? or
Too little too late?

A Random Post!

Randomness is my new favorite word. A friend of mine told me that he likes the randomness in my articles. I had the infinite urge to tell him that random blabberings are the inner core of my writings that keeps the ‘engine’ oiled up and spinning. If I am detached from it or deliberately given an article to write I form an instant writer’s block and recoil to a more traditional method of calculative narrative. A piece of my own thought and authenticity will but obviously be missing from it. But my true self and my real words somehow seem to come out only with random unattached thought. To quote a line from a book I am reading nowadays- ‘I am interested in everything and committed to nothing’ – this has stuck to me like a blood sucking leech. In it I find resemblance, and uncanny familiarity. Maybe my lack of commitment to topics has kept me at bay from writing on serious issues, and my interest in almost everything still keeps me going -- still somewhat sluggishly. I call it my comfort zone, my personalized creative outlet, where I write mostly to let go, than for the sake of preservation or commemoration.

This inertia of comfort and rest that I have developed is difficult to nudge and makes it impossible to pick up the pace. Although I do have the desire of writing a ‘Once upon a time story’… using the stock phrase to create yet another classic! But the desire is less frequent and is overwhelmingly subdued by the desire to write for the moment, for the feel and more for the necessity to vent out.

Maybe someday, when I am ready to comment more and observe less, and when I finally channel my thoughts to another outlet, I will find the peace and persistence to write for the sake of creation and for the sake of happiness. Till then, Randomness it is! Amen!

Beach Blues—Pondicherry!!

A trip to this coastal destination was long overdue; however, it is definitely better late than never. This quaint little union territory has more to offer than just Auroville and Aurobindo Ashram. The Colonial designs of bright yellow and brick red bungalows and bakeries at every street-corner still reflect its very “French” past. However it would be unfair to say that only the bungalows and ‘oven fresh bakes’ serve as a flashback to its French heritage, I must also mention the roads and markets with stylish French nomenclatures that add to the aura and manage to keep up the city’s image. To add to all this, Pondicherry is now the hub of all aspiring artists and modern painters, who find their inspiration in the heart of this city. The bustling intelligentsia with the rich cultural mix of writers, artists and spiritual soul seekers define the spirit of Pondicherry.

Our journey started along the picturesque ECR- the ‘oh so wonderful’ East Coast Road that connects Chennai to Pondicherry. During the short journey of two hours, you will be graced by the presence of the deep blue sea running parallel to the road—an experience worth preserving for a long time! Through speckled stretches of coconut and palm trees, and the vast blue at a distance, the East Coast road connected us quickly to Pondicherry. I was struggling to keep my camera away for even a minute, as I would inevitably find something interesting to capture in every 5 seconds. For North Indian travelers, who are so used to the six lanes of Delhi -Rajasthan, the ECR might seem a little shy in breadth, however, the well maintained smooth highway makes up for it through the amazing scenery on both sides.

We reached Pondicherry a little after sunset, and passing through the twinkling church lights and lavish gardens, we finally reached our Resort. Set right across the beach, The Promenade made our stay memorable with great Coastal delicacies and candle-lit dinners on the sea view patio; not to mention the Ayurvedic spa and in-room relaxing massage facilities.

The next day started with a very heavy breakfast—thank God for the great mango season, we got to taste some very unique French recipes inspired by delicious mangoes. Our first destination after this was the famous boat club of Pondicherry. Promoted specially by Pondicherry tourism, this place offers you boat rides through a stretch of backwater leading up to an Island beach—the famous Paradise beach! Needless to say, both the island beach and the boat ride lived up to my expectations. The fifteen minutes boat ride across the backwater-ish stretch leads up to a beautifully secluded island with a vast beach spotted with dwarf palms. There are shacks offering all sorts of coastal delicacies including the Spicy Fish 65!!

What I will remember most about this place are the small cafes stringing the sea-view road near the impressive Dupleix statue. These small cafes have balconies overlooking the ocean thwarted by a huge rocky landscape. We stepped inside one of these quaint cafes….Everything about it was just perfect- the Italian Ice-cream, the sea breeze and the rough splashing reverberation of the water just across the street. I could sit on that balcony for hours just looking at the sea and stuffing myself with the amazing munchies. A perfect afternoon led to a perfect sunset along the horizon, and as the twinkling lights lit up the streets of Pondicherry we walked back along the stretch of the sea, back to our hotel.

This is a perfect spot to laze around I realize now! There is no hurry of going to one tourist attraction after another, it’s just a matter of prioritizing your fine senses—what attracts you more? The sea, the food, or the long walks- it is just a matter of choice. Pondicherry boasts of some great culinary masterpieces tailor-made especially for sea food lovers, I simply loved the improvised prawn cocktails and amazing desserts! Maybe someday when I am in a mood to go nowhere, I’ll crash here and spend days and weekends discovering each new French café, and visiting every art house in the city!

Till then … Au Revoir Pondicherry!

The Big Jigsaw!

If everything happens for a reason, then maybe we should take each passing day as a piece of a big unfinished jigsaw puzzle. All we have to do is string all the pieces together to build the bigger picture. But what if the bigger picture holds absolute mess and chaos? You would know it is coming right?

When you start collecting the smaller pieces you would know what really is eventually headed your way. The question is—should you anyway go ahead and put the messy pieces together or should you hide some of the pieces away to thwart the messy meteor about to crash on you.

It’s not really a matter of choice here. It’s a matter of desperation and how far you are willing to risk to paint a whole new picture for yourself. How many pieces can you hide? How many new pieces can you build to fill the gaps? Will it lead to a butterfly effect? Or will it heal on its own and fit right in-- A round peg in a round hole? Fantastic!!

… Too many questions on my mind right now…maybe this is what leads to insomnia…
Ignorance IS bliss sometimes, the lesser you foresee the easier it is to go through each day. And when the final masterpiece is complete, you just take the blow—ready or not! You don’t have to die each passing day in anticipation and fear.

You may regret, but that is nothing in comparison to the feeling of incompetence.

... UnAnswered!!

Unconditional Love! Is it really forever. The Question has haunted me for a long time. Sure I understand how two people meet, fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together... and so on. But What happens when you meet, fall in love-- but don't spend the rest of your lives together?? This is the question that we all want answers to.. in other words.. "what if it doesnt work out?"

What does this phrase really mean? What if What doesn't work out. What is the end result that we are trying to achieve by trying to work something out. Is the purpose of a relationship not to spend quality time with your partner, and be able to talk about anything and everything under the sun? Is the purpose as simple as getting married and having kids? Is that what we are all trying to achieve? *SHUDDER*

If things DON'T work out and you DON'T end up having babies in a beautiful big home, Does your love not work out? What happens then? You completely ignore the existance of the other person and go ahead and make babies with someone else! But is it really that easy to get over someone or to forget someone? Sure, time heals all. But what does it heal, if there is nothing to heal. There was nothing wrong with your relationship, everything was fine. Then what is there to heal? The fact remains that you spent an awesome number of years with someone and then you split up and did not have kids with him. What do you heal here? My question here is -- Is Love a simple transaction? or is it really a deep feeling. If it is the latter, then you can't really move on with your life Can you?

You may get married to someone and have kids with someone, but you will continue to love the person with whom things did not work out. That is just messed up right? Ok, then let me ask.. what about one-sided love? I recently heard a story wherein a lover came back into a grown woman's life once again after 30 odd years only to be dumped again! That was harsh! Why did this even happen? There was no relationship to brood on, the woman had denied him 30 years back and she did the same thing today, then why was the lover still in Love? Maybe he was just in love with the idea of love, or maybe not. Its too confusing to think about it.

While I am on the question spree, I am bouncing one more.. What is happily ever after? Is it ten years really? I think its only ten years into marriage when you still feel connected to your spouse, you just about had children and they are young, cute and adorable. Your spouse still remembers your birthdays and gets you stuff and not to mention the sex is good. What happens after ten years of marriage can NOT be described as happily ever after. With the kids screaming and bills piling up, not to mention you now suffer from low blood pressure and your spouse from high blood pressure. You come home to discipline your maid and to make sure kids are studying. At night you sleep beside your spouse almost like a life-less pillow and in the morning fight with him on trivial issues. Which part of this was happily ever after again??

Anyway, enough questions for the day. If I continue at this rate, I might never reach that stage :P

Post-Marriage Syndrome!

I have realized that marriage is almost synonymous with growing out of your teens. Remember the time when you turned 20 one day and opened your box of old stuff. You just sat there laughing at the clothes, shoes and pictures of your 16-something days and thought to yourself, "what the hell was I thinking"!! But you know well that you might give your arm and leg to turn back time and go back to those carefree days of fun and frolic. Well, the same goes with marriage.

Before getting married you live in this crappy apartment with clothes lying all around you, surviving on mostly junk food and throwing random parties- waking up in the morning-afters and finding your house a mess, watching crappy soaps with a warm cup of coffee and fried food and aimlessly lying around the house on long weekend mornings. Life was Fun for sure. But Life sure does change after marriage (especially when you get the happy married woman syndrome).

Suddenly everything that you did in your pre-married life becomes miniscule, and blissfully careless.

You tend to ridicule your smaller rooms as a singleton and your small apartment which at one point of time seemed nice and cozy now seem like pigeon-holes. Suddenly matching curtains and sofa-sets are of huge eminence to you over every other possible thing and you fail to realize how your single friends are still living in such a mess with unco-ordinated pillow covers!

Knock-in the head number two should come once you realize that you are using the food processor way to often. By that I mean almost, every day. Thinking about the days when you just had a cup of cofee and maggi makes you shudder and think how could you have led such a risky life. Roti, paratha and dal have become common house-hold chores every day, and your body has stopped responding to words like: "lets skip dinner and have toasted bread with cheese". You have obviously by now started pittyfully looking at your single friends and thinking, how are they even living such a life, and you are thankful and grateful for each and every loving moment spent in your beautiful home with your adorable husband.

When you are single, the only thing that matches are your clothes, and when your married that list is long. Cutlery, Curtain, Cushions and more! You long to hear the "Honey Im home" and you quickly get warm food on the table and relish every bit of life when your husband looks at you and says, "this tastes amazing".

You despised this life once but now that you are a part of it, you are loving it. If you have come this far then there is no cure for you. You are the married woman of the century and there is no stopping you! You have started giving cooties to your single friends who aww you every minute and get aww-ed back.

But to us single people, every day brings newer crappier things to think about. We might not have the color coordinated bed sheets to keep us smiling but we do have one thing that we all end up missing eventually!

F.R.E.E.D.O.M!!!